Monsters have always been a part of our collective unconscious, born from the same place that gave our ancestors their futile gods. Probably. They've been part of human culture since we've known how to fear. You can trace their modern cultural path from the Ancient Greeks, through literature and psychology, the Japanese kaiju (meaning "strange beast") movies to Hollywood incarnations. And the mother-in-law. As well as being symbols of atomic warfare, metaphors for terrorism and a post-9/11 world, Jungian archetypes, political commentary and Ray from Ghost Busters inability to grow up, they also kick-ass on a big screen. Looming like a savage deadline with teeth and a tail, showing us that when it comes to metropolis-destroying monsters, size matters. As this chart shows.
1. Godzilla
Before Japan had tentacle pr0n and school girls, they had monsters. Lots of them: Mothra, Gamera, King Ghidorah, Rodan and most famously and firstly was Godzilla whose movie Gojira in 1954 was something of a revelation. He went on to star in 28 movies, beat that Brad Pitt! And was a movie sensation. But, sadly, never once did he receive a nomination for Best Foreign Language Film, let alone an actual Oscar for Best Actor. The Academy makes me sick. Initially representing the nuclear fears over Hiroshima and Nagasaki, he went on to become a cultural icon, as loved and recognisable as America's superheroes. In the land of the giant monsters Godzilla is king and could annihilate a small town with one of his mecha-farts.
2. King Kong
Just how big would King Kong's dong be? Hmm. Something to ponder. Pooled from our collective unconsciousness he's a modern myth, a Jungian archetype represented as raging monster or tragic antihero, the beast within us all. He even made the leap into video-games with Donkey Kong. The original 1933 movie, while its effects have dated, maintains a kind of ethereal, unnatural quality; haunting, eerie and mysterious like a dream. A cultural icon and movie legend. Like Dr Johnson said, "He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man" Or ape.
3. Cloverfield monster
A post-9/11 movie without the overbearing sentimentality that someone like Spielberg drenches his films in, like War of the Worlds. And while that shaky camera work will make you feel queasier than eating a bucket of deep-fried pizzas while on a rollercoaster, the monster in the movie is HUGE, and terrifying. Kudos to JJ Abrams for making a modern monster movie and actually taking the time to create a new monster. While Godzilla and Kong have their own charm, a likeable pet-like quality, this ferocious fiend is, well, a monster. Horrid, intense, unrelenting and merciless. It's a vile looking b#astard as well, with hanging ape-like arms, sharp teeth and covered in those randy parasites. As with all these types of movies it's great schadenfreude fun seeing a major city recognised the world over getting stomped on by an unstoppable savage behemoth. Get. Some.
4. Cyclops
Not a modern invention this one, but instead a creature from Greek mythology written of in epic poetry. This clip is from The 7th Voyage of Sinbad and it features old school stop-motion model animation. Back before CGI they had the special effects wizard Ray Harryhausen and the marvel of Technicolor, that's how they rolled, and it was enough Goddammit! Odysseus will tell you what a fiend this guy is, he's even more fiendish with furry legs like a centaur. Never p#ss off a one-eyed monster covered in hair, unless it's your own.
5. Kraken
Another mythical creature of ginormous size, a sea monster believed to have dwelt off the coasts of Norway and Iceland. It's had its fair share of movie appearances, Clash of the Titans being one courtesy of our man Ray and most recently in Pirates of the Caribbean, where this clip's from, when it attacks the Edinburgh Trader. Due to its size it can crush a ship like it was made from the tortured imaginations of a misunderstood elf child and has so many tentacles he's probably tickling your back right now.
6. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
"What did you do Ray?" Yes Ray, what did you do. Seeing Stay Puft's iconic little happy face stomping along New York's streets is one of the great joys of cinema. When thinking of a form that will destroy the world as we know it Ray tries to think of "something that could never possibly destroy us." But his happy smile turns to sour anger once they blast him with their proton packs. But they get the upper hand when they cross the streams and Stay Puft ends up covering New York in marshmallow sticky goodness. Personally I think he just needed a hug.
7. The Host monster
It's like a giant version of the classic fish with legs that hasn't slept in days after a datura and salvia binge, raging about, terrorising South Korea. Created when a 100 bottles of formaldehyde are poured down the drain - a similar incident actually occurred in 2000 when a Korean mortician working for the US military dumped a large amount of formaldehyde down the drain, no monsters yet though. As well as being immense fun the movie also looks at political questions like the US military's presence and what would happen if a giant monster terrorised a city. Could it, for instance, run for mayor? Pertinent indeed.
8. Balrog of Moria
The demonic creature from LOTR, a primordial fire spirit and ferocious muthf#cker, but not for Gandalf the Grey. Gandalf wrestles something twice the size of this when he takes his morning dump, now that's bravery. But he does take on the Balrog valiantly like his balls are made from a thousand rings to rule them all. Battling it for eight long days until, finally, it's defeated, I'd rather him than me. Anything that is a flaming horned beast of rage and anger I try to avoid, and if I was confronted by it, a quick, "Oh look, an Orc in pantyhose" to distract it, and I'm off.
9. Rancor
Jabba, himself no oil painting, has this giant turd with teeth of a beast as his pet. F#ck with him and you'll be face-to-face with this snarling sh#t-fest quicker than you can say, "Where the f#ck's the floor gone?" Cry salty Jedi tears as you're confronted with its malign and hideous presence, then leap for joy as you realise it can easily be defeated by putting...a bone between its teeth! Take that! Who'd a thunk it? Here is that famous scene in Return of the Jedi where it battles a moody, I'm-so-grown-up-now Luke, set to the theme from jaws. Take that post-modernity!
10. Rhedosaurus
From the movie The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms pre-dating by a year its more famous rival Godzilla, this is one of the monster movies, along with Kong, that paved the way for Godzilla and chums. Ray the Man steps up to do the effects as an atomic bomb test in the Arctic Circle unfreezes a long stagnant Rhedosaurus. And it takes it blind unhinged revenge on New York City as a way of saying thanks. Poor New York, second only to Tokyo in the "Top Places To Destroy" if you're a raging 500ft beast. Maybe they get together once a year and go through what they've destroyed, the lives they've ended, the structures devastated and share tips, like people do about vacation destinations.
11. Large creature from The Mist
A great movie, dark, upsetting, turbulent, it has that Assault on Precinct 13/Rio Bravo siege mentality with hideous monsters coming out of the mist to come and drag you, bloodied and desperate, to your untimely death. All the creatures are really creepy, and right at the end of the movie we get to see the giant beast, yet again with tentacles, in its entirety. And it's pretty awesome, shifting about on its creepy-insect legs, moaning and roaring, looking like an elephant choking on a giant squid - a thing from another realm. Although these monsters are very real and powerful, it's also the monsters within that drive these people to their doom. Yeah.
12. Sandworms (Shai-Hulud)
From David Lynch's adaptation of Dune. Now, these are big, like incomprehensible gargantuan f#ck yeah! size. It could swallow everything on this list in a single mouthful and still be peckish. So if we're talking size these guys would win, they've monstrous beings believed by the Fremen to be the direct actions of God. God as a f#ck off big sandworm, I can dig that. Something I could respect and worship. Practically indestructible and with a lifespan of 1000s of years they've pretty hardcore as giant monstrosities go. Here's a scene from David Lynch's Dune where Kyle MacLachlan owns one of them. You really get a feel for their colossal size.
these are amazing monsters of times. i watched some of them in a movie but only godzilla made me shout loud. haha maybe because of its frightening and factual visualization in the movie. i can get <a rev="vote for" title="the best place for an online payday loan on the internet today!" href="[link deleted] ">payday loans</a> just to watch some of them i haven't watched yet.
Added: 48 days ago by OKlanp
1. Darth Maul - Ray Park in Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Personally, I rate The Phantom Menace as the best of the "other" Star wars movies although admittedly that's akin to saying I'd rather be covered in warm p#ss rather than shite or vomit. And it's all due to Darth Maul, that tiny bit of sweetcorn in this enormous cinematic turd. From the moment he backflips off his speeder and launches a ferocious attack on Qui-Gon to his bizarrely pointless death (why kill off a great villain when you just have to introduce a new one in the next movie?). Menace only really crackled when he was on screen. That he has become synonymous with John Williams's Duel of the Fates can't have hurt, but the excellent three-way with Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon seals him as one of the best villains of all time. If only there had been more of him and one less big fish.
Cause of death: Sliced in half by a very lucky Obi-Wan
2. Darkness - Tim Curry in Legend
No messing around here. Eight foot tall, red skin, goat legs, massive horns and evil bass-heavy laugh, Darkness is badass. Tim Curry looks like he's permanently on the cusp of either orgasm or homicide, maybe both at the same time. Too many times has the devil been nothing more than a sinister man in a suit. This is the definitive Prince of Darkness.
Cause of death: Complex arrangement of shiny shields blasting him with sunlight and unicorn horn to the gut. He deserved way better.
3. Don Logan - Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast
Don: You're the problem! You're the f#cking problem you f#cking Dr White honkin' jam-rag f#cking spunk-bubble! I'm telling you Aitch you keep looking at me I'll put you in the f#cking ground, promise you!
Don: Shut up, c#nt. You louse. You got some f#ckin' neck ain't you. Retired? F#ck off, you're revolting. Look at your suntan, it's leather, it's like leather man, your skin. We could make a f#cking suitcase out of you. Like a crocodile, fat crocodile, fat b#stard. You look like f#cking Idi Amin, you know what I mean? Stay here? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of the castle? Cock of the walk? [He gut-punches Gal]
You can't reason with him, bribe, cajole, influence, bully or stop him from getting you to do what he wants. The true sign of a top drawer lunatic is that he is at his most terrifying not when he's beating the hell out of someone but when he's just talking. And Don uses his voice like a machine gun, rapid fire, on target and capable of tearing people to shreds. Don even returned from the grave briefly to record the most sinister appeals for Live Aid ever. Watch them here and here.
Cause of death: Shot-gunned.
4. Stansfield - Gary Oldman in Leon
Gary Oldman flies way over the top with his Ludvig-van-loving psychopath cop. In contrast to Jean Reno's taciturn Leon, Stansfield roars and mugs shamelessly, almost falling over into cartoonish evil at times. He is an elemental villain, no apparent motives for his chaotic violence other than an ill-defined nihilism, he certainly seems to take no enjoyment from the spoils of his drug business. But then isn't that the scariest, when asking 'Why?' to be answered, 'Why not?'
Cause of death: Huge explosion, possibly caused by over-acting.
5. Jack Torrance - Jack Nicolson in The Shining
I fellate Stanley Kubrick pretty frequently so it's hard for me to accept that any part of this movie's awesomeness has anything to do with anyone other than him. But the Shining is Nicholson's film. Jack just owns the film. The bar scenes, the scene in the toilet with Mr Grady, the final chase in the maze where he looks to have regressed to a feral beast. Jack Nicholson is the only person who ever managed to steal a scene from Kubrick.
Cause of death: Froze to death after being outsmarted by a young boy.
6. Bad Ash - Bruce Campbell in Army of Darkness
Good or bad, it's still Ash.
Cause of death: Shotgun to the face, flesh burned from bones, catapulted and exploded.
7. Amon Goeth - Ralph Fiennes in Schindler's List
Although playing a Nazi concentration camp commandant gives him a good head start in the evil stakes, it is to Fiennes' credit that Goeth is primarily a man and not a monster. Just a naturally sadistic man who had the misfortune to be unleashed on a world where sadism was considered a virtue. He neither revels in it nor is revolted by it. What chills me about him is that I suspect he thinks he is just a man doing his job.
Cause of death: Hanging.
8. Hans Gruber - Alan Rickman in Die Hard
I've always thought this movie, while being totally great, is a very revealing slice of American wish-fulfilment. An everyday American Joe takes on infinitely more suave, well-educated, better dressed Europeans and through a mix of guts and handguns kicks their smug polyglot asses. No matter, Hans isn't just a thief, he's an exceptional one and we all know that in the real world Hans and his team of all star mercs would have demolished John McClane without so much as creasing their Prada black label.
Cause of death: Dropped off a building by an Irish flatfoot.
9. John Doe - Kevin Spacey in Seven
Like Darth Maul he gets a tiny amount of time on screen. Unlike Darth Maul this is a good thing. His puppet master presence permeates the movie and his final reveal as an unremarkable man (minus the blood stains) makes him even more chilling. The unparalleled logical sadism of his crimes and their exquisite planning and execution make him make you wish serial killers were this inventive in real life.
Cause of death: Shot by Brad Pitt, believing that by murdering Gwyneth Paltrow he'd cause Brad to become the wrath victim and kill him. He actually ended up banging Angelina, so f#ck you mister serial killer.
10. Sheriff of Nottingham - Alan Rickman in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
Sheriff: I'll cut his heart out with a spoon!
Guy of Gisborne: Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?
Sheriff: Because it's duuuuulll you twit, it'll huuurt moar.
Oppressed the poor, in league with the devil and perpetrator of the most light hearted rape scene in the history of film. The Sheriff is a bad guy's bad guy. And if it wasn't for the scenery chewing sheriff you'd only have the po-faced Kevin Costner being told off by Morgan "Hollywood's #1 Magic Negro" Freeman for two hours.
Cause of death: Dagger to the heart.
11. Roy Batty - Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner
"I want more life. F#cker." As motives go that's a pretty good one. In essence he could be seen as exacting a pre-death revenge on his own murderers. In the end he spares his pursuer Deckard after sharing some of his memories, making sure that some tiny part of him exists beyond his own mortality.
Cause of death: "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the darkness at Tan Hauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die." Hard to believe that after Hauer improvised one of the most iconic deaths in film, the highlight of his succeeding career would be a Guinness advert. Or possible a Kylie video.
what about the twins from the matrix reloaded? and unlike the shining or leon, or a lot of other movies on this list, there was a subsequent movie. it would have been awesome for them to show up in revolutions.
Added: 51 days ago by mixlplex
Good day fellow Americans, I have been sent back in time from the year 2016AD by concerned parties to warn you of what is to come...
In 2016 it's dark days for the American dream. The country is a desolate landscape of distributed wealth and free health care. All that's left of this barren wasteland that was once so beautiful and alive is the commie-red nutrient-free earth. And some rivers, mountains, lakes, birds, waterfalls, forests, canyons. And buildings. And people. And society. But not as we knew it. Not commerce as we know it. It's now commie commerce. Under the guise of something called taxation - I'm not sure if that's even a word in this period - they take part of our earnings and use them to fund national institutions that help the needy, and, I can barely bring myself to say it: immigrants.
America is now a socialist country, everything is owned by the people, resources are allocated equally no matter how many guns you have or how many misspelt placards you wave. There was a time, in 2009, when a misspelt placard felt like the protest equivalent of a twelve-bore opening up the back of a small mammal's skull. Not any more.
Now private health care is a story we tell our children at night to ease them to sleep, hushing their trembling cries of terror at a state funded health care system, easing their pain, telling them that one day it will be back. Bigger, better, exclusive. And more expensive then ever.
But for now the horror of the status quo, like Mexicans freely crossing the border for dental care. MEXICANS! In fact, they come across in a sort of parade, in garish colours, singing and dancing, chanting in a foreign tongue. Dressed in mutated cowboy hats or coloured bondage masks and tight lycra pants, scaring young American children, farm animals and the local sheriff alike. All this paid for by the American tax dollar. Then when they get over here they are put up in our homes, our wives are theirs to do with what they please, while they await their free moustache transplants or cancer treatment or life saving operations or whatever nonsense those creeps need. Life saving, pah!
And the president of this soured country now plagued with so much swarming vermin? Castro's son who wasn't even born here, Antonio Castro Soto del Valle, former physician (read homosexual) for Cuba's baseball team. Our relations between Cuba (Cuba!) have never been so cosy (just thinking of it has brought back one of my headaches, let me just take one of my free prescription pills...). Relations are like those between lovers in the early throes of passion. Cuba, a country who torture their dissidents rather than innocent foreigners in far off lands.
And instead of a senate, guess what we have? Czars, hundreds of the f#ckers, swarming all over the constitution like flies round a rotting corpse. They even have a Czar czar. And a Czar czar czar. I remember in President Bush's Godly reign (oh how I miss those war-torn days!), all we had was Dick Cheney. And if you disagreed with him, well, not even the Almighty could save you. Gone are the glory days when libertarians like Glenn Beck were allowed on television to proclaim the truth. Gone is that bastion of investigative journalism Fox News that struggled so hard against the filthy lies of those liberal racists to keep the country infromed, pointing out the hugh mistakes made by our government. Gone.
And in every one of America's schools evolution is taught by those godless liberal animals, polluting the minds of our young. It's worse than when that shit-eating Kenyan was in power back in the dying part of the first decade of the 21st century. And what has become of him? Hiding out with the terrorists and Sarah Palin in the caves of Afghanistan, after a visit to the troops went sour.
The only morsel of hope for this once glorious and bold nation comes from the passionate patriot, that gargantuan asylum of knowledge, Glenn "I GODDAMN F#CKING TOLD YOU F#CKING SO" Beck, who is running for the presidency. Our dear enlightened clown, who for now is a stand-up comedian, actor, waiter, shoe-shiner, writer, dentist, builder, secretary and carpenter (anything to swindle a buck, is how he puts it). He co-authored, along with Dan Brown and David Icke, one of the finest works of literature in the history of mankind: The Lost Cymbal. A touching story about a medieval jazz band who misplaces part of their percussion section; their search takes them to the Vatican where a 12ft lizard Lenin is trying to set up hospitals for the blind. A great read.
Along with these foot soldiers of the War On (the) Error (of Socialism) - catchy name, no? - is George W. Bush, who now resides in Cameroon Park Zoo, Waco, Texas. Where he mournfully masturbates once every 4 minutes, while cackling tourists throw rotting bananas at him which he devours with sticky hands, barely able to sustain breathing through his lack of intelligence. Rumours circulated that he was once beaten in a game of chess by a stone, but it's just salacious rumours. Another soldier; poor, caring, humane Dick Cheney died after a hunting incident where he was shooting at baby otters being nurtured by their mother. He scared a nearby bald eagle which shat in his eyes, causing him to panic and he stumbled off a cliff. No one could be bothered to reclaim the body, so there he rests. I often go down to the spot, hold his skeletal hand in mine, and think about all the un-American women and children we could be waterboarding if this sacred man was still alive.
But, together these brave warriors of decency and hope and money and greed are mounting a campaign to get America back to where it was 10 years ago. At least. Some say they should go back much further, to that zenith of freedom that was the late 1940s to late 1950s when a friend of America and liberty, called Joseph McCarthy, was flushing out those heathen commie rats from every industry they'd crawled their way into. Now there was a man with vision, with strength, with hate for blood. There was a man who, from just a hunch, a knee jerk reaction or taking offense at the way a man wore a tie, could have anybody out of the country quicker than you could plead, "Hey, this is illegal, what about the 5th amendment?", which many of them did of course. This isn't illegal, this is America, Joe would retort.
He would accuse someone in the morning and by lunch time they'd be living in exile in some third world hellhole, let's say Britain, eating commie rice and lemongrass. Ha! How I long for those days, for a time when paranoia and fear could be neatly packaged into mindlessly accusing whoever the f#ck you wanted to of being a commie or homosexual. Careers ruined, lives destroyed, that was what made America great. If your neighbour broke that lawnmower you lent him or he stared at you wife inappropriately, you could just point a finger and scream, "Burn HIM! He's one of them!" And before you knew it his house would be set alight, his family ground down into mince and shipped to China, and his life would become a pendulum of pain, anguish and a never-ending, eternally burning hate. And those were the lucky ones.
Ah the memories, but I digress.
I plead you to heed this sharp warning of mine, or else, suffer the dire consequences.
But for now I need to get back to my own time. Anyone know where I can pick up a flux capacitor?
lighten up guys, i think this is mostly tongue in cheek. (hope so anyway.). sarcasm anyone? yaaaaaay!!! go obama. anyway, i like how people with names like atdragon, and kontrabandman, and also the guy biting the style of the 70's show guy "topher"(real original chris.) are suddenly civics professors. get your world government learn on at kontraband. i love you all. do drugs.
Added: 54 days ago by icntblevethssht
