Added: 1204 days ago by Kevin Holmes | Posted in: Politics | 12 Comments

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<div align='center'><a href='http://www.kontraband.com/blog/14307/Another-Bunch-Of-Freaks-In-The-Freak-Kingdom/'>Another Bunch Of Freaks In The Freak Kingdom</a><br><div align='center'></div><br><a href='http://www.kontraband.com/blog'>See more like this on kontraband.com</a></div>

What with the US presidential elections just around the corner and the British elections expected next year, it seems everyone's going loco for politics right now. Personally I find politics to be a dulling, tedious, fun-less freak show, full of ancient crusty perverts talking ass-chilli with marmite moustaches from the amount of coca chomping they've been doing!

Phew, glad that's off my chest. It was holding me back like the pairing of a retarded presidential candidate with a witless running mate.

Politics, to me, is about as appealing as a bowl of puke with crushed up glass sprinkled on, and just as unpalatable. My middle digit goes up to all those involved in the shambolic travesty, and I curl a corn out on their first-born's head!

If only our politicians were as flamboyant as some of the counter-culture icons of the 60s - Hunter S Thompson ran for sheriff of Aspen, Timothy Leary ran for Governor of California, so it's not like they don't know how it all works, I say let's get 'em on the payroll - I'd vote them in.

We could have Dr Leary as Commander-In-Chief, Dr Gonzo as Vice-Prez giving hand-outs to the masses, "Givetheverminwildturkeyandmescalinegoddamit!" he'd babble. It'd certainly make for a more exciting government, get Ken Kesey as Attorney General, Janis Joplin as Secretary Of State and Allen Ginsberg could be Secretary for Education. We would all feel the benefit, or that could just be the giant fog of bong smoke wafting from the White House and looming over the country like the threat of some long and painful recession.

In high schools up and down the land they'd teach Dr Leary's 'Eight Circuits of Consciousness', "Come on little Jimmy, if you don't recite each circuit you won't get to go smoke grass with the rest of the kids at playtime". Pump in Hendrix's 'Voodoo Chile (Slight Return)' at ear-melting volumes and watch as their tiny tweeny brains bubble and burst as Hendrix grinds his axe to the songs mind-shattering conclusion! The Jonas Brothers? Jog on back to church and go make love to an Action Man you sexless fiends!

They'd also be no more history lessons, the past has been and gone, today we live each moment as if it was our last. It's Future Studies from now on, everyone sits about channelling their inner shaman working on a way to traverse space and time until we migrate in to the cosmos once NASA has finished developing their space migration program, 'People for an Intelligent Sightseeing Spaceship Observational Flight Force (PISSOFF)'. Good times people, good times.

I know what you're thinking, great idea, but they're all dead - Well let's raise them from the hallowed earth with some badass voodoo magick, then we'd have a United States federal government of zombified 60s counter-cultural-icons (bit of a mouthful and it sounds like some new Hasbro action figure range but...) - how frikkin' weapon would that be, and they'd be just as brain-dead as the current crop of politicians (ithankyou!)

We could all then turn on, tune in and, er, drop dead...!

Added: 1204 days ago by Kevin Holmes | Posted in: Politics | 12 Comments

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