Added: 1200 days ago by Marv | Posted in: Internetz | 11 Comments

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<div align='center'><a href='http://www.kontraband.com/blog/14357/Yeah-I-Know-Him-Hes-A-Right-Douche-Bag/'>"Yeah I Know Him He's A Right Douche Bag"</a><br><div align='center'></div><br><a href='http://www.kontraband.com/blog'>See more like this on kontraband.com</a></div>

Douche bags - we've all heard that term, we've all used it to cuss a buddy or berate our favourite football team for losing ("Those guys played like they've been drinking from Lindsay Lohan's douche bag!"). But some questions remain, if they exist as something other than a funny putdown, who the hell uses them and how did it become an insult for an annoying idiot or pretentious a-hole in the first place? Well the latter one you can kind of see why - a douche bag is a piece of equipment for 'introducing' a stream of water into a 'cavity' **Shudder** of the body - So that's a vaginal or anal wash then in laymen's terms?

I have a picture in my mind's eye of some kind of clear plastic bag attached to a tube that's inserted into the lady's, ahem, area to act as a 'local' shower on those days when a full shower is just out of the question. When that is I don't know, perhaps if you have no access to hot clean water because you live in a sewer, but then getting your personal drainage system squeaky clean is probably the least of your worries...

The term 'douche bag' is becoming ever more popular, and it's used in all manner of popular entertainment. The most yokel of people (that's right, even your own backward, hick-envying family who you've tried desperately to distance yourself from) use it, even the people who are douche bags use it?! How the hell did that happen! "Hello, word police? Yer damn right I'm angry...!"

That's not what confuses me though, anyone can use the term if they wish - despite my protestations to the contrary - it's just everywhere you go the term is used as an insult and not in its original context. I bet half the people who use the term don't even know what it is; I certainly didn't before researching this.

Is it just a long running joke that everyone is in on other than me, because no one seems to talk about it as a body-cavity cleaning aide. I've been in close contact with members of the opposite sex (honest!) and never seen one on their person or heard them mention that they are out of douche bags, or require a new douche syringe? There are no TV commercials or adverts of any description and I have never seen one being sold in a pharmacy.

So could it be that they're a product from yesteryear, a relic from the past that has slowly become redundant - are women cleaner and fresher in modern life than their historical counterparts? Surely not. I can't imagine a 50s rockabilly girl getting hurried along by her bequiffed boyfriend because they're late for a Jamboree, "Hawld on hun, I just need to douche my lower touche". Call me crazy, but it just doesn't seem possible. Maybe people don't talk about it because it's to do with a lady's love temple, but, surely, if that's the case then why do we see commercials for tampons and sanitary towels every day, on TV, in magazines? Huh? WHY!!!

The first place I heard the term was on the Osborne's TV show where Kelly would be screaming "You're such a f*cking douche bag" at her younger brother Jack (whose now riding the gravy train with his EXTREME asshole TV show, the fat waste of molecules...).

However her real self was out done and out stripped by a hilarious British show called Bo' Selecta where Kelly's pampered, spoilt, rich-kid-look-at-me-I'm-so-not-talented-but-my-dad-was-cool life was ripped to shreds in a rubber-faced parody of her woefully shallow existence (her equally annoying kin received the same kick in the proverbials from the show, which'll have you rolling about in hernia-inducing laughter, so check it out if you haven't already).

And although her rubber-faced monstrosity looks better than her real face, she was never quite as likeable.

Now, although Kelly may physically look like a douche bag - her head a perfect match for that plastic vaginal bulb - she can't be given all the credit for the induction of douche bag into the lexicon of popular insults. She may have popularised the term in Britain - even this could be a massive overstatement - but over in the states you've been quite rightly using it for decades. We salute you.

So here's to a great slur, and long may it rein, you frikkin' douche bags!

Added: 1200 days ago by Marv | Posted in: Internetz | 11 Comments

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