Added: 344 days ago by Kevin Holmes | Posted in: Nerdcore | 21 Comments

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<div align='center'><a href='http://www.kontraband.com/blog/14929/10-Cartoon-Babes-You-Wouldnt-Kick-Out-Of-Bed/'>10 Cartoon Babes You Wouldn't Kick Out Of Bed</a><br><div align='center'></div><br><a href='http://www.kontraband.com/blog'>See more like this on kontraband.com</a></div>

Imagine if you woke up one day in 2-D as a cartoon? We all know it's highly likely, what with the failing economy you might be forced to lose your physical depth to save money, so allow me to illustrate a problem. What if you need a woman, and most real women won't even give you a second glance, do you sit around waiting for that anvil to fall on your head? Fap that. Instead, remembering rule 34 put on your best Acme suit, then crash through a wall of your home, screaming, leaving a 'you' shaped hole, and hook up with these carnal cartoons. So listen up, toon in and get animated!

1. Lois (Family Guy)
She has a laugh so filthy it makes 2girls1cup look like an advert for Ben & Jerry's, plus we know she likes it in the rear, a bit of bondage, dress up and spanking. Also she won Miss Teen Rhode Island, has dated a string of rock stars, so she would've been taught a few tricks and has 'experience', and she's admitted to sucking on Mary-Jane (and I'm not referring to more bedroom antics), so you know she'd be fun with a capital 'F'. She's basically why the word MILF was invented, so she definitely makes the list. Also being with Peter she obviously isn't that into looks, more a sense of humour. Hey, it works for me.

2. Taffy (Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels)
She's the blonde one who always screams "Zowie Cavey!" in a husky f#ck-me-now voice. You know you'd like to hear her screaming that but with your name at the end. For a real treat she might even invite the other two members of the Teen Angels - that's foursome heaven right there! But if I see the Captain's penis-nosed, dingleberry excuse of a body anywhere near me, I swear to the primitive animistic spirits, I'll get that club and shove it so far up his ass it'll protrude out of his mouth so he'll look like a hairy slab of spit roasted doner meat, let's hear him try his trademark battle cry after that. I don't know how those girls put up with it, he must either put that nose to good use or he's very funny. Or it's just a cartoon...

3. She-Ra (She-Ra: Princess of Power)
Who doesn't want to be clasped within those powerful thighs? She's part feisty Amazonian warrior, part sultry blonde goddess and, naturally, she rides a horse, we all know why. She also clasps her Sword of Protection in a mighty grip, mmm, I wonder what sights that's seen? The only negative is she's also twin sister to He-Man, the f#cking fringed pansy, and nobody can deny that. If anyone gives me any batsh#t about him being the hardest guy in the cosmos, let me just say the following: his alter ego, Prince Adam, wears a clothing ensemble made with colours last seen in a fairy's flower bed. Would you been seen dead in indigo boots with a white fur trim, mauve tights, furry lilac coloured snugly fitting underpants worn a la exterior, a figure hugging pink sleeveless top and a skin-tight open neck long-sleeve white t-shirt? I mean, this, from a man we're supposed to believe is Master of the Universe? More like Master of the Pastel Wardrobe. God knows what he and Man-At-Arms, with that moustache, get up to. At least She-Ra looks cool. She looks like she could kick your ass both in and out of the sheets. Damn yeah.

4. Daphne (Scooby Doo)
Forget Buffy in the film version, this is what I'm talking about. Hanna-Barbera? Hubba- Barbera more like! Long red hair (that's two red-heads we've got so far), short purple skirt, pale pink tights (busting the coloured tights look way back), nice purple pumps, all set off with a lime green scarf, and, lest we forget, a body to die for. You hear this Prince Adam? Purple and pink can work, if you're a woman. ..Jeez. Anyway, I like a woman who can co-ordinate her clothes, and Daph does just that. You know she'd be a goer in the bedroom, happy to be with anyone that wasn't that walking lunk-head, brain-dead Fred. She'd cheat on him easy, he could go join Adam and Man-At-Arms, the cravated cock. Get Velma in on the scene as well, and there it is, no one leaving the house all weekend.

5. Disney's Tinker Bell (Peter Pan)
Small but perfectly formed, she can reach the parts other woman cannot reach. Saynomore.

6. Leela (Futurama)
She was once considered to be a cyclopean alien, but it turns out she was actually a sewer mutant, the one-eyed lousy fake! But at least when she meets the old chap, they'll have something in common, one eyed lousy fake meet one-eyed trouser snake. They could have a stare-out, but no spitting. Plus if you are a bit on the fugly side then her one eye may not pick it up. Here's hoping, you ugly freak.

7. Betty Rubble (The Flintstones)
I'd be thinking of Wilma - not really. Wilma's one red-head who doesn't make the list. But Betty, hot damn, I'd like to barney rubble her, with that jet black hair, short dress torn at the hems. How did that happen, huh? Likes it rough does our Betty and she's the second MILF to make it onto the list. Primitive urges? You Betty believe it.

8. Cheetara (ThunderCats)
Here's one cat we'd all like to see lick herself clean. In fact I'd offer to lick her clean, 'Yeah just there Cheetara, you missed a bit, a little bit below your belly there...in front of your brown-eye of thundera'. Being the only adult female Thundercat she's probably in high demand, but I'd happily take on Lion-O and Panthro for alpha male status to become top dog...cat...whatever...one of whom looks like a bald dead chimp in bondage gear, the other's a wispy haired overgrown toddler in a swimsuit. I'll give him Sight Beyond Sight, by tearing him a new one to see through...And that staff she uses, bet that's seen some action, which, in keeping with the theme of implements for female 'relief', brings me on to my next choice...

9. Jessica Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit)
An obvious choice perhaps (and third red head), but you couldn't have a list without her on it, especially when her name's synonymous with a certain female pleasure toy, and she does a Britney in the film and gives us a flash of her rabbit hole. I wouldn't mind entering that tunnel, 'After you Alice...' Then you could patty her cake all day long, get her acquainted with the other kind of rabbit, vibrate on, then thank the lord she's drawn that way! And you know the expression, at it like Jessica Rabbit.

10. Bugs Bunny As A Woman
So from two types of rabbit, onto a third, and this one could prove controversial. Like Garth and Elmer Fudd do you find those large-lashed eyes fluttering suggestively at you attractive? Or is it the large feet, buck teeth, the long, flapping ears...like I said, controversial, but we're modern here, we know some sick f#cks dig their furry shemale pr0n so this one's for you, you degenerate scumbags...

Now before you say, 'But where's...' this list could quite obviously go on forever, it's just a selection, we could probably do a top 100, but meh, you'd get bored, even more than you just have. Honourable mention, however, does go to Cartman's mum, the reason she didn't make it on the list is that you've probably already been there, cos, you know, she's a dirty slut - when you go to chow down on her not only can you hear an echo, but, like an abyss, when you look into it, it also looks into you...

Added: 344 days ago by Kevin Holmes | Posted in: Nerdcore | 21 Comments

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