I was walking in to work today, my scarf flapping in the breeze, Jack Frost biting at my nose while I contemplated the solution to the question of life, the universe and everything, when I started thinking about that no-talent ass clown Isaac Newton. Now I don't know a lot about the guy, other than that he has a douche bag's first name and he's credited with inventing gravity. Something about an apple falling on his head (school science class comes flooding back like a tepid bath of vague recollection).
Inventing is surely the wrong word. He sure as f#ck didn't invent gravity. If he invented it then the apple wouldn't have fallen, it would have casually floated past, or maybe fallen into a slow orbit around his big stupid head. Did he discover gravity? Frankly I don't buy that either. I think even before his fruit inspired proclamation people knew that when they dropped sh#t it fell. Gravity is something of a way of life for all creatures that have ever inhabited the Earth. Even the f#cking dinosaurs knew about that sh#t. Isaac just gave it a name. If I buy a dog and call it Collin have I discovered Collin? Should my name go down in the history books for my fantastical discovery? Of course not. Both the disinterested gum-chewing girl behind the counter at the pet shop and Collin were both aware of his existence before I even thought of buying him.
I'll admit that I'm treading on unknown ground here, given that other than the gravity thing and his brief cameo in The Da Vinci Code I know absolutely nothing about Newton but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he's a cock.
Why is it that Isaac is the only one that's allowed to have discovered something that everyone already knew about? Where's the mention of the guy who discovered skin? The intellectual who first noticed air or the genius who realised that there was such a thing as water? No, it's only Isaac.
Wait.
Christopher Columbus. He's another one. Columbus, now there's a world class sh#teater if ever I saw one. Again, I know nothing of the man but how in the hell can you be credited with the discovery of a continent that people are already living on? He didn't discover anything he just went on a mystery holiday. Got in a boat, crossed a sea and did a bit of trespassing.
What a f#ckwit.
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Added: 348 days ago by buonaguidi
I agree that newton discovering gravity is wrong, but the rest of this article is horseshit from someone who has never studied physics in any true depth. Newton not only named gravity, but was partly responsible for quantifying it. Giving us a way to measure it. Without him, we couldnt lol at how much we would weigh on jupiter.
Another thing, Newton is not only known for gravity. That is just the story parents tell their children when they are too stupid to come up with actual definitions. Newtons Laws have contributed more to science than this 2minute waste of internet space ever will.
Added: 348 days ago by heofdoom
I agree that newton discovering gravity is wrong, but the rest of this article is horseshit from someone who has never studied physics in any true depth. Newton not only named gravity, but was partly responsible for quantifying it. Giving us a way to measure it. Without him, we couldnt lol at how much we would weigh on jupiter.
Another thing, Newton is not only known for gravity. That is just the story parents tell their children when they are too stupid to come up with actual definitions. Newtons Laws have contributed more to science than this 2minute waste of internet space ever will.
Added: 348 days ago by heofdoom
I thought the guy was funny and made a few good points. If you think about it Isaac was just a guy that was good with numbers and no way to apply his numerical love. So he took an apple beating him over the head and said, "I wonder how fast it fell?" From there he commited his time to something that has next to no value in the average persons life. Thanks for giving it a name Newty, but thats really all you gave us.
Added: 349 days ago by navymonk89
It's not only a falling apple - Newton studied the phenomenon of gravity and created the formula to calculate the gravity force, therefore he tamed one of the most powerful forces (if not the most powerful) we can see and use in our everyday life.
Added: 351 days ago by faeox
Tamed? Tamed? Did he have a chair and whip within reach so that he could tame the savage beast? Akin to taming a lion in a circus ring? I think not sir!
Added: 342 days ago by andy
Humor Attempt = EPIC FAIL
Added: 351 days ago by Spymagician
he didn't **** discover gravity, he gave it a name and explained it. Everyone knew it existed but had no idea why, dumb ass
Added: 351 days ago by s5892
Yeah, maybe read a little more before posting your dumb ass shit for people not as dumb to rip apart.
Added: 352 days ago by xoutofbeerx
Exactly, Newton was not a no talent discoverer of falling objcts, he was a mathematician who equated the 3 laws of motion that for centuries after publication dominated the realm of physical science. Science class isn't flooding back to you as much as you think.
Added: 352 days ago by thespill1088
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