I was walking in to work today, my scarf flapping in the breeze, Jack Frost biting at my nose while I contemplated the solution to the question of life, the universe and everything, when I started thinking about that no-talent ass clown Isaac Newton. Now I don't know a lot about the guy, other than that he has a douche bag's first name and he's credited with inventing gravity. Something about an apple falling on his head (school science class comes flooding back like a tepid bath of vague recollection).
Inventing is surely the wrong word. He sure as f#ck didn't invent gravity. If he invented it then the apple wouldn't have fallen, it would have casually floated past, or maybe fallen into a slow orbit around his big stupid head. Did he discover gravity? Frankly I don't buy that either. I think even before his fruit inspired proclamation people knew that when they dropped sh#t it fell. Gravity is something of a way of life for all creatures that have ever inhabited the Earth. Even the f#cking dinosaurs knew about that sh#t. Isaac just gave it a name. If I buy a dog and call it Collin have I discovered Collin? Should my name go down in the history books for my fantastical discovery? Of course not. Both the disinterested gum-chewing girl behind the counter at the pet shop and Collin were both aware of his existence before I even thought of buying him.
I'll admit that I'm treading on unknown ground here, given that other than the gravity thing and his brief cameo in The Da Vinci Code I know absolutely nothing about Newton but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he's a cock.
Why is it that Isaac is the only one that's allowed to have discovered something that everyone already knew about? Where's the mention of the guy who discovered skin? The intellectual who first noticed air or the genius who realised that there was such a thing as water? No, it's only Isaac.
Wait.
Christopher Columbus. He's another one. Columbus, now there's a world class sh#teater if ever I saw one. Again, I know nothing of the man but how in the hell can you be credited with the discovery of a continent that people are already living on? He didn't discover anything he just went on a mystery holiday. Got in a boat, crossed a sea and did a bit of trespassing.
What a f#ckwit.
User Comments / Add a Comment »
I think you suck, although I don't know much about you. I'm sure you'd approve if I decided to blog on that subject.
Added: 353 days ago by mousti00
Stop hatin dude,
Newton didn't 'Invent' gravity or so you say. He simply discovered it and put a name on it.
Then again, all science can be questioned and argued against as its all theories, so theres no reason to just hate on one man.
Added: 353 days ago by aab92
Newton didn't invent gravy, so where's the beef?
Added: 353 days ago by Strickly K
Most Scientists and scholars alike believe Newton to be the smartest Human who has ever lived .
Added: 353 days ago by RegalT
The same way of thinking could be applied to most any great discovery in science, the atom, subatomic particles, electricity. All of it existed beforehand, the discovery is to put them to light through mathematical model that explains observed facts (the apple) and then use it to successfully predict other phenomenons (like planetary movements). Invention is another story. Cars didn't exist before they were invented and maybe that's something you'd be more inclined to appreciate. Otherwise, as others have mentioned, Newton was a mathematical genius and without his breakthrough work technology would be many years backwards. So... yay Newt!
Added: 353 days ago by hackenbeck
LOLZ...i just invented gravity - Newton was a fraud!
Added: 353 days ago by AlphaDog
Excellent post - with so much drivel out there posted by people who actually believe what they are saying (creationists anyone?), it makes a refreshing change to find something so deliberately tongue in cheek.
More of the same please - not least to incite more ramblings from geeks - its the most exercise they've had for weeks!!!
Maybe go for something totally factual and insightful one week followed by the ramblings of a buffoon the next to keep everyone guessing ;)
Added: 353 days ago by andy
I wish I were as optimistic about this being a send-up as you were.
Added: 353 days ago by CiceroPositive
That's science for you.. Coming up with names for stuff that's already there. Useful in a couple of ways, though :P
Added: 353 days ago by jampe
and why do people think all americans are stupid..?
Added: 353 days ago by neger
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