I was walking in to work today, my scarf flapping in the breeze, Jack Frost biting at my nose while I contemplated the solution to the question of life, the universe and everything, when I started thinking about that no-talent ass clown Isaac Newton. Now I don't know a lot about the guy, other than that he has a douche bag's first name and he's credited with inventing gravity. Something about an apple falling on his head (school science class comes flooding back like a tepid bath of vague recollection).
Inventing is surely the wrong word. He sure as f#ck didn't invent gravity. If he invented it then the apple wouldn't have fallen, it would have casually floated past, or maybe fallen into a slow orbit around his big stupid head. Did he discover gravity? Frankly I don't buy that either. I think even before his fruit inspired proclamation people knew that when they dropped sh#t it fell. Gravity is something of a way of life for all creatures that have ever inhabited the Earth. Even the f#cking dinosaurs knew about that sh#t. Isaac just gave it a name. If I buy a dog and call it Collin have I discovered Collin? Should my name go down in the history books for my fantastical discovery? Of course not. Both the disinterested gum-chewing girl behind the counter at the pet shop and Collin were both aware of his existence before I even thought of buying him.
I'll admit that I'm treading on unknown ground here, given that other than the gravity thing and his brief cameo in The Da Vinci Code I know absolutely nothing about Newton but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he's a cock.
Why is it that Isaac is the only one that's allowed to have discovered something that everyone already knew about? Where's the mention of the guy who discovered skin? The intellectual who first noticed air or the genius who realised that there was such a thing as water? No, it's only Isaac.
Wait.
Christopher Columbus. He's another one. Columbus, now there's a world class sh#teater if ever I saw one. Again, I know nothing of the man but how in the hell can you be credited with the discovery of a continent that people are already living on? He didn't discover anything he just went on a mystery holiday. Got in a boat, crossed a sea and did a bit of trespassing.
What a f#ckwit.
User Comments / Add a Comment »
I thought it was kinda funny
Added: 354 days ago by Werebear
Sir Issac Newton was one of the greatest minds of all time, and not just because of that apple. Also, he never claimed to have invented gravity, merely claiming to have observed it. He also made a plethora of contributions to the world of Calculus, where I respect him the most of all. He derived Newton's method, along with Joseph Raphson, which is a method used today to find zeros of functions.
You may just be some troll trying to get some moderate lulz from this blog, but oh well. Newton is one of the most admired and respected minds of all time, and part of Cambridge's elite alumni.
Added: 354 days ago by Immortal_One
I disagree and I think my arguments are stronger too. Perhaps you didn't read it properly. Try reading it again and I'm sure you'll change your mind.
Added: 354 days ago by andopolis
It's sad that in the time it took you to spew this drivel onto the Internet, you could have Googled for Isaac Newton and educated yourself. I can only hope that this is another example of Poe's Law. In case it isn't, watch this link for a brief snippet of what makes Newton one of the intellectual colossi of humanity: [link deleted]
Added: 354 days ago by CiceroPositive
OK, so the link was deleted. Look up "Mark Steel Newton" on YouTube for a short bit of Mark Steel's lecture on Newton. There aren't any tits, but as long as the comedy doesn't soar over your head you might be entertained as well as enlightened.
Added: 354 days ago by CiceroPositive
I agree with most of these comments. If you're going to have a rant please have at least a clue what you're on about.
Added: 354 days ago by miksedene
It's good to know that your knowledge of Christopher Columbus comes from the biography written by Washington Irving. It's about as based in fact as his other historic work, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.
Added: 354 days ago by skine
The gum-chewing girl behind the counter who sold you Colin was uninterested, not disinterested - a judge or referee is disinterested. If you are going to be rude about someone please be accurate in your use of language, but then perhaps you think Shakespeare was an idiot too.
Added: 355 days ago by Rabbit1644
I'm not a massive fan. The whole 'no man of woman born' thing in Macbeth and the magic death potion in R&J seemed pretty weak.
Added: 354 days ago by andopolis
Magic Death Potions are called poison - idiot
Added: 354 days ago by waylander101
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