I was walking in to work today, my scarf flapping in the breeze, Jack Frost biting at my nose while I contemplated the solution to the question of life, the universe and everything, when I started thinking about that no-talent ass clown Isaac Newton. Now I don't know a lot about the guy, other than that he has a douche bag's first name and he's credited with inventing gravity. Something about an apple falling on his head (school science class comes flooding back like a tepid bath of vague recollection).
Inventing is surely the wrong word. He sure as f#ck didn't invent gravity. If he invented it then the apple wouldn't have fallen, it would have casually floated past, or maybe fallen into a slow orbit around his big stupid head. Did he discover gravity? Frankly I don't buy that either. I think even before his fruit inspired proclamation people knew that when they dropped sh#t it fell. Gravity is something of a way of life for all creatures that have ever inhabited the Earth. Even the f#cking dinosaurs knew about that sh#t. Isaac just gave it a name. If I buy a dog and call it Collin have I discovered Collin? Should my name go down in the history books for my fantastical discovery? Of course not. Both the disinterested gum-chewing girl behind the counter at the pet shop and Collin were both aware of his existence before I even thought of buying him.
I'll admit that I'm treading on unknown ground here, given that other than the gravity thing and his brief cameo in The Da Vinci Code I know absolutely nothing about Newton but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he's a cock.
Why is it that Isaac is the only one that's allowed to have discovered something that everyone already knew about? Where's the mention of the guy who discovered skin? The intellectual who first noticed air or the genius who realised that there was such a thing as water? No, it's only Isaac.
Wait.
Christopher Columbus. He's another one. Columbus, now there's a world class sh#teater if ever I saw one. Again, I know nothing of the man but how in the hell can you be credited with the discovery of a continent that people are already living on? He didn't discover anything he just went on a mystery holiday. Got in a boat, crossed a sea and did a bit of trespassing.
What a f#ckwit.
User Comments / Add a Comment »
I meant the magic one. The one that Juliet drank that killed her then brought her back to life.
Added: 354 days ago by andopolis
Again this is where you fall down, Romeo and Juliet is what we call "fiction" therefore it doesn't have to be accurate in a real world sense. What you seem to want is a documentary.
Added: 354 days ago by waylander101
I'm not complaining about the 'realness' of the stories, just bullshit 'magic juice' in an otherwise entirely unmagical play and the nonsense about a cesarian birth implying that Macduff wasn't "of woman born".
Added: 354 days ago by andopolis
little known fact issac newton was autistic and gay (not an insult he was) when he was in school he was bullied and apparently beat up one bully useing THE POWER OF SCIENCE
Added: 355 days ago by mburke875
Christopher Columbus was a no-talent ass-clown for sure. Comparing Newton and Columbus however is like comparing a Business student at any major university with a science student (bio, chem or phys) at the same university. Business students tend to be drunk and **** RE-TARD-ED, whereas the science student may be drunk but is not retraded.
Added: 355 days ago by leminscathe
Newton was a massive genius, he formulated calculus to be able to describe his theory of gravity mathematically. He was also one of the first to postulate that light behaved as a particle. He was insane, yes, he stuck a bone needle into his eyesocket so he could put pressure on his eyeball in trying to find out the nature of light and color, but also an insanely clever man. Don't hate on the physics just because you can't comprehend why you come down again when you jump.
Added: 355 days ago by cantab
Your theory means taht the guy who "discovered" the sun should be f*cked as well? He didn't discover the Sun, and ofcorse everyone knew it was there, he just aknoledged its exisitance..... Isaak Newton explained, defiend and made gravity an easy to understand power. He didnt just tell us it was there, everyone knew that.. (and thats not true at all)
Added: 355 days ago by themeanmachine
Ando ... wrong post!!!!
Newton is a genius, the gravity is the strongest force of all, cause without the gravity all the universe would have fall and destroyed itself ...
A normal peasant would have take the apple, eat it and then ... nothing ... Newton asked himself some serious questions about that fact and found the answers ...
I disagree with your blog, but you're still hot ;)
Added: 355 days ago by unibroue
BTW, not meaning to be an asshole but gravity is the weakest of the 4 fundamental forces. Strong and weak nuclear, and electromagnetic forces still kick gravity in the teeth.
Added: 354 days ago by scapegoat123456
Nuclear and electromagnetic couldn't hold up the entire universe ... the gravity does since the beginning ...
Added: 354 days ago by unibroue
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