Added: 1102 days ago by Kevin Holmes | Posted in: Celebs | 8 Comments

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<div align='center'><a href='http://www.kontraband.com/blog/15904/Has-Lilo-got-a-puncture/'>Has Lilo got a puncture?</a><br><div align='center'></div><br><a href='http://www.kontraband.com/blog'>See more like this on kontraband.com</a></div>

Because she certainly looks like she's deflated. It's a sad, sorry state of affairs. Around this time last year she could be seen recreating the classic 'The Last Sitting' Monroe photos, looking all nude and as hot as a flaming comet that's just smashed into the sun, and now she's about as hot as a dead Eskimo at the bottom of a frozen lake. How can that happen? Why did that happen? And why was there no intervention? Screw the drugs and the drink; those things are fun, but this, no. This is like watching an extra from the Army of The Dead walk about in a soiled nappy. If anyone sees her on the street we should throw food and fattening milkshakes at her. Some of it will end up in her mouth as she screams abuse at you or pleads with you to stop. If enough people do it eventually she'll start fattening out. It's a failsafe solution - one that should be implemented immediately. But don't go overboard, we don't want an obese Lindsay, just one that doesn't look like something the dog's been chewing on for two months.

Is it a lezo thing? Is she rejecting society and all its masculine, patriarchal bullsh#t? So now she no longer works or eats, she's trying to cease to exist. She's supposed to have broken up with her lesbo lover, gone out with Sean Penn, been refused first class, and now Scarlett Johansson's muscled in on her Monroe act, all in the first part of this year. It's like watching a car crash in bullet time, slowed down to a frame every week. Before she could be found traipsing about the red carpet in the latest fashions looking glam and beautiful, now she now hangs around DJ booths, forlornly, drinking alone looking like an abandoned, derelict, decrepit house, smoking like a bonfire made from chimneys and arguing with her 'girlfriend' who, incidentally, has got bags under her eyes so deep if you look closely you can see little eyes blinking back at you...

She's gone from being a rising Hollywood babe into a malnourished cud-chomper. She needs to stop eating kebab and start showing it instead. She may've got complaints but not from anybody that mattered, and certainly not from the lesbians or male fans, hell no. Also, stop with the faux-lesbian thing and start eating man meat again. Maybe not with the ravenous appetite you had before you became a mollusc-muncher, but somewhere in the middle. Also get back on the booze and drugs (that's if you ever left them), everyone loves a Hollywood star cracked out of their mind and driving about under the influence, running over small animals and children with a wild abandon that only Satan himself could outdo. Think Raoul Duke and Dr Gonzo in Fear & Loathing. Find a degenerate cohort you can get loaded with, steal a car, forget to wear knickers and go out there and binge on every conceivable narcotic known to humankind. Then after that, eat your way through every food type known to man and you'll be 'back in the room'.

Next thing you know, you'll have some prestigious films lined up and you'll be looking like the Lohan of old. Then after that maybe chill out, relax and lie low, Lilo.

Added: 1102 days ago by Kevin Holmes | Posted in: Celebs | 8 Comments

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