Added: 1018 days ago by Mardod | Posted in: Politics | 57 Comments

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<div align='center'><a href='http://www.kontraband.com/blog/17286/The-South-Shall-Deride-Again/'>The South Shall Deride Again</a><br><div align='center'></div><br><a href='http://www.kontraband.com/blog'>See more like this on kontraband.com</a></div>

So now that all the teabagging fun is over, I should move on to something serious. The radical right in this country got all of that losing-the-election-thing out of their system and they're ready to move on to the next offense-du-jour, right?

Well, no. Not exactly.

Governor Rick Perry of Texas (whom the late great Molly Ivins used to lambaste as Gov. GoodHair) spoke out loud a couple of days ago, perhaps unaware that someone had placed a live mic in front of him, strongly suggesting that Texas may consider seceding from the U.S. if the "oppressive hand of the government" continues to interfere with the affairs of his state. His statement reminded me of a remark Ivins made of another Texas politician not known for his intellectual prowess (no, not Bush) when she said "if his IQ dropped any lower, they'd have to water him twice a day."

The idea stems fom the notion that Texas joined the U.S. by treaty in 1845 as a self-governing republic and agreed to join on the condition they would retain some special rights for themselves. These included the right to bolt whenever the hell they felt like it. This treaty also states that the state legislature could, at any time, dissolve itself and reform as 5 separate entities, without the consent of the U.S. Congress. Tom Delay, former Republican Majority Leader of the House, stated on MSNBC's Hardball recently that this act would force the U.S. Congress to reject the 10 new senators these newly-created states would send to Washington, allowing those states to leave the union entirely.

However, Mr. Delay, known for having issues with the truth during his scandal-marked time in the House of Representatives, doesn't have a firm grasp of history. The treaty in 1845 didn't pass the Senate. Texas became a state through a Joint Resolution of Congress (itself a somewhat controversial move). Neither the treaty nor the resolution gave Texans the right to secede, although the resolution did give them the right to divide into 5 states. This right evaporated upon Texas' re-entry into the U.S. following the Civil War when the state accepted the terms of 13th Amendment, which stated that current states cannot divide themselves up and form new ones with the consent of Congress.

However, before you start thinking that this is an isolated incident, the Georgia state Senate also passed a resolution backing the idea of secession. Apparently, the Senate is very upset about Obama's sudden reverse on his stance on gun control (the one he didn't reverse) in favor of one that would outlaw guns en masse and send federal authorities (in unmarked black helicopters) to the houses of ordinary Americans to confiscate the ones they already have (and mutilate their cattle, 'cause hey, if they're already there, why not kill 2 birds with one stone?). They have also held on to the right of nullification, the idea that the state can ignore any federal law that infringes on Georgia's right to properly govern itself.

Yes, there was a Civil War in this country that pretty much covered the issue of secession in addition to the healthy number of federal laws, but this doesn't seem to deter them. The GOP, out of power for a mere 100 days, have walked right off the cliff and taken the 30% or so of Americans who still think Bush and Cheney did a hellava job, with them. But remember, in this country it's the Democrats who are lunatics.

However, that does raise a fun "what-if" question: what if the southern states press their case and perhaps get a hearing in front of the conservative-leaning Supreme Court, who grants them the right to leave and form their own more perfect union. What are the upsides and downsides to this? I came up with a few of my own. Feel free to add your own in the comments section.


Top 5 things that would suck if the South seceded from the United States:

1) Having to open diplomatic relations with Jesustad.

2) 5 words: Secretary of State Ted Nuggent.

3) The whole Hatfield-McCoy thing now requires a U.N. resolution.

4) Attending Mardi Gras involves a passport, a body cavity search, and probably some debriefing time with the Border Patrol explaining how you managed to get hickeys up and down your torso.

5) Having to revise the list of illegal substances in the War on Drugs to include moonshine.


Top 5 things that would rock if the South seceded from the United States:

1) A research boom for sociologists as they watch Southern political and domestic culture devolve into a scene from Idiocracy.

2) Recession solved: they may have all the guns, but we have all the bullets.

3) We could now treat FOX News the same way we treat Al Jazeera.

4) Relations with Canada improve dramatically as they no longer become the butt of American jokes. That right now belongs to the Confederate States of Goober.

5) Quite possibly the only thing that would keep Bush from being indicted for war crimes (OK, that's only good news for him).

Added: 1018 days ago by Mardod | Posted in: Politics | 57 Comments

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