Added: 885 days ago by Kevin Holmes | Posted in: Celebs | 5 Comments

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<div align='center'><a href='http://www.kontraband.com/blog/19394/Lindsays-Looking-Lush-Other-Bikini-Bods/'>Lindsay's Looking Lush & Other Bikini Bods</a><br><div align='center'></div><br><a href='http://www.kontraband.com/blog'>See more like this on kontraband.com</a></div>

After a turbulent time for the flame-haired beauty she's finally looking like she's back to her old, gorgeous self. Just take a look at her in these recent pics lounging by the pool looking decadently stunning in a white bikini. She's gone from emaciated walking pile of bones in a soiled nappy to a Hollywood starlet making sexy look as effortless as Marilyn Monroe giving a BJ. But as the world cools and slows into autumn, all is setting itself right in the world; Hayden Panettiere is back to what she knows - a cheerleading uniform. Britney's looking good again, no more shaved craziness just a sweet bikini bod as firm as a freshly bought mattress, or Glenn Beck's deluded beliefs. And Kim Kardashian is looking curvy, delicious and like she could satiate the sexual desires of an entire football league just by flicking her hair (or bean).

That's the great thing about summer, the female body beautiful, in a bikini, looking as inviting as a swimming pool filled with champagne and naked models beckoning you while twirling their bikinis round their heads and sucking on their fingers. And now it's gone. So what better way to prepare ourselves for the abject horror of a desolate winter than by reminiscing about those fine-looking celebs in next-to-nothing.

A look back at some fine female forms in the classic bikini two-piece. Let's relish the deep intellectual delights that you can derive from looking over their serpentine lines of beauty. Put your thinking (fapping?) caps on and let's get to it.

For the older woman looking as taut as a body-builder on a stretcher you can't really beat Cindy Crawford, a 43 year-old mother of two looking like a 21 year-old on Spring break, minus the tinsel-nipple stickers - for shame. I wouldn't just drink her bathwater with a manic fervour like it was the last beer on earth. I'd gladly bath in her toilet water, sprinkle her toenail clippings on my cereal and breathe her farts as oxygen.

As ever Jessica Alba's looking like the sort of woman who'd I'd crawl a thousand miles through rotting human entrails, used syringes and pig-sh#t just to lie by her feet and let her kick sand in my eyes. A body you could spend a thousand years staring at and still kick-off like a toddler if you were dragged away.

Kelly Brook, the curvaceous lovely that could turn a blind gay-fish into a salivating lecher always looks good in a bikini, her voluptuous body was made to wear one. She shouldn't wear anything else really. It should be made a crime for her to wear clothes, punishable by being locked in a cage, naked, and left hanging on Ellis Island as a tourist attraction.

Audrina Patridge, as annoying as she is and as innately evil and monstrously vile shows such as The Hills are, I'd still make the beast with two backs with her until it dropped off, and her co-star Kristin Cavallari can come too. And while we're on the subject of blondes, here's Holly Madison looking like you could fry an egg on her thighs, hell you could probably temper metal between them. And Leighton Meester is looking mighty fine, especially bending over like that. Anyone seen her tape?

Katy Perry was on good form all summer, with that splendid chest that is like the toy I've always wanted for Christmas. I'd be dining out on those two beauties every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Maybe even make time for some brunch and supper in between, and the odd break when my time permitted, which would probably be every other second. It would be an all-day buffet wouldn't it? But if she's too curvaceous for you, and you like your women to look like a Spartan youth; the sort of girl that would call a human skeleton fat, then AnnaLynne McCord is the girl for you. I've seen more fat on a rock. Lastly I think Nicole Scherzinger is looking particularly Formula One in her bikini. I wouldn't mind doing a few laps of her.

So until next summer. Time to head to the southern hemisphere where it's still hot and the clothes are still minimal...

Added: 885 days ago by Kevin Holmes | Posted in: Celebs | 5 Comments

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