Kontraband Know It All

Was Jesus actually born on 25 December? Who else has been born on Christmas Day?
There is no actual historical data available giving a precise date of birth for Jesus of Nazareth. Of course 25 December is the traditional celebration for his birth, but September has been touted as a more likely birth month. Some Biblical scholars believe the founder of Christianity was born at the end of September or even the start of October. Some believe early church leaders chose 25 December because it already existed as a festival for pagans and Romans and aided in the eventual Christianisation of these people. It is also 9 months after the Annunciation (when Mary was told by Gabriel she was to conceive), which is traditionally set to 25 March.
Lots of people have shared this traditional birthdate with Jesus, including the genius scientist Sir Isaac Newton, the great actor Humphrey Bogart, the camp comedian Kenny Everett and the posh singer Dido (so posh her full name is actually Dido Florian Cloud de Bounevialle O'Malley Armstrong). Paddington Bear's birthday is on Christmas Day, but he was allowed to have another birthday on 25 June, as everyone born on or near Christmas Day hates the words "joint Christmas/Birthday present".

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What are the most ridiculously expensive and obscenely lavish Christmas gifts available to buy?
The most expensive and decadent Christmas present ever offered to a potential buyer was a matching jet plane/megayacht combo which retailed at an immense $500 million! The jet is no ordinary jet, it is the huge A380 (the double-decker of passenger planes). The plane and yacht would also feature a personalised design created by Patrick Knowles. As the A380 is already on back order, the customer would have had to wait a few years before receiving this incredible gift.
As for other obscenely lavish Christmas presents, well how about a brand new Bugatti Veyron for around £1.2 million? Or some stocking fillers like an YSL Crocodile Upton bag for around £17,000 or a pink and white diamond-encrusted Vertu phone for £46,000? If you would like to buy something a bit more bizarre and you happen to be a billionaire then perhaps a Triton 1000 submarine for £900,000 would suffice? Or you could even have a handmade portrait of you and your beloved made by artist Vik Muniz for £68,000. But hang it somewhere cool as it will be made of chocolate. Buying chocolate portraits for thousands of pounds is one sure sign that you are filthy rich; along with being found attractive by astonishingly beautiful women, suddenly having a lot of unscrupulous politicians as friends and actually affording to pay for a train ticket from Manchester to London without crying.

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How much is the Christmas market worth? Has it become too commercial?
The Christmas market is unsurprisingly huge. In Australia, shoppers spend an estimated £20 billion over the Christmas period. Britons will spend over £1.4 billion just on presents for their children and will spend a total of over £22 billion. Americans will spend in the region of $450 billion for the Christmas holiday, which is about £280 billion. So just 3 countries will spend over £300 billion for Christmas. As Christmas is celebrated in dozens of countries worldwide this figure will increase considerably.
Taking into account the amount of money being spent and the trappings involved with Christmas (extra food & drink, presents, decorations, trees) it is apparent that the holiday has become too commercial. It has been reported that £60 million of food is tossed away in the UK at Christmas time as we overspend on mince pies and sprouts. Living in capitalist societies gives people the freedom to buy what they want and it is economic evolution that certain things become commercialised (just like Mother's Day, Valentine's Day and Easter). But keep in mind when you go to unbutton your pants to let your stomach hang out, that means the evil advertisers have won again (or you refuse to throw food away and just ate half a turkey).

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What are the best/worst Christmas cracker jokes ever written?
Christmas isn't complete until a series of usually terrible cracker jokes have been told at the dinner table. There is a reason why the cake and pudding should have brandy in them; bad jokes are always funnier when you're a bit drunk. It is believed Christmas crackers were invented by Thomas J Smith in London in 1847, and it seems that many of the jokes date back to that time. Here are 10 of the best/worst (depending on your sense of humour) Christmas cracker jokes we could find:
What do you call a man with a pole through his leg?
Rodney.
Who was England's first chiropodist?
William the Corncurer.
On which side do chickens have the most feathers?
The outside.
What's furry and minty?
A polo bear.
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a boogie in it.
What do you give a man who has everything?
Antibiotics.
What is Santa's favourite pizza?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even.
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

Truly the cream of the Christmas cracker crop. If those don't put you in a Christmas spirit it might be best to indulge in that other Christmas spirit; brandy.

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