We all remember the Star Wars Kid, that Thriller video by the Filipino inmates, Boxxy, Afro Ninja, the cruelly hilarious Fat Asian Kid and all the many, many others. But, I ask you, where are they now? What has become of these memes, the unwitting recipients of internet infamy?
While their time as internet celebrities is fleeting, their misadventures clogging up inboxes only until the next one comes along, on the intardweb they will live on forever. Stuck in time, captured for generations to lol at, eternally lunging towards us charged with the disillusion they're a Jedi warrior or staring scared and tormented at the camera in a variety of shooped poses, or eeking and squeaking out sentences while twitching like an epileptic Tourette's sufferer who fell in a pot of tar. But like a superhero they have their own secret identities, their humdrum Clark Kent getting on with the daily grind at their own Daily Planet.
After their international fame it's a mighty fall, have they all hit the ground running? Or did they sprain an ankle, crack a shin, or dislocate a hip after such a distance...
The Filipino inmates? Well they're probably still in jail choreographing the dance moves to High School Musical 10. Counting down the days until their release when they'll no doubt storm Broadway and take the great quantum leap from internet celebrity to fully fledged 'real' celebrity, where they'll be the talk of the town, darlings to the Hollywood luvvies - at least for a week.
Boxxy has probably gone viral, literally, like Neo she is now within the internets or at the very least /b/, and that's why nobody has heard anything from her in so long. She's disappeared because she longer exists as an annoying blinking emo and has now transcended her black clothes and eyeliner and is pure information, albeit still annoying. So perhaps she's what causes your train to be late, the traffic lights to stay red for so long or your internet connection to explode.
Afro Ninja? I like to think of him in the Tibetan Himalayas perfecting his art. Waiting until the world is ready before unleashing his awesome power, halting global warming with the flick of a nunchuck and dethroning the world's tyrants with a roundhouse to the face. HI-YAA! Let's hope he's better at solving the world's ills than he is at doing a backflip.
The Star Wars Kid? Well, what can I say after what we've all seen? Leading the Rebel Alliance against the Galactic Empire is something he does in his sleep. Anyone who can wield a golf-ball retriever like that has no doubt where his future lays - a golf caddy. Yep, he's probably a caddy to a golfing pro sweeping up golf balls like Yoda with a 9-iron up his ass, whipping through the golf course like a bumbling bolt of lightening. He pauses to give a self-satisfied look at the fairway, grins smugly, then nods his head in self-agreement and he's off! There are plenty more golfers who need plenty more golf balls retrieved. Get to it ya fat sh#t.
And poor Fat Asian Kid, what can he do? That pleading stare, "Please don't Photoshop my face and plaster it all over the internet." it says, "Please."
Maybe his time will come when the universe has had enough of us and sends that asteroid careering towards Earth - he can be our defence. We'll launch him straight at it at a high velocity and watch as the asteroid glances at us forlornly, mimicking his fat little head, before shattering into a million pieces.
If justice is served then perhaps they'll all end up in a retirement home for ex-memes, sharing urine stains with Techno Viking while Keyboard Cat tickles out a little ditty on the ivories, reminiscing on their glory days of internet stardom when for one whole week or so email inboxes across the globe were full to the brim with their cock-ups, strange behaviour and legendary dance moves.
nice related content!
Added: 6 days ago by artcore
So, the end of summer, it's a time when the ninjas here at Kontraband go away on holiday to exotic climes, to drink elaborate cocktails off the naked breasts of local waitresses, nutshot the natives, eat endangered animals, desecrate holy places of worship, fight with the local law enforcement, burn the rainforests for firewood, fight Somali pirates and limbo until our spinal columns snap like the crushing jaws of reality after realising you've left the house without any pants on, and today's the day you fight for promotion.
Because although we sleep with one eye open, while balancing on an eyebrow and always in the ninja stance, ready for an attack from our many, many enemies sometimes we need to chill. We need to get sun-burnt until we resemble Zoidberg in Bermuda shorts and drink lots of cheap foreign booze that'll make us dance on the heads of dwarves and leave us shouting fluorescent soup into the sands of a remote beach, burying the foul bile quickly, hoping that no-one'll notice until the next day when a small child trips over and lands face down it in. We need to pretend that we're going away to seek the sights, sounds and culture of another world, another land, to savour the unspoken pleasure of seeing another race and their local customs. When in reality we'll just be staring at topless women on the beach, nursing a pounding hangover and telling ourselves to move into the cooling shade, then realising we'll already there and it's still 100 degrees. While also taking notes on the size of ladies' thongs and the plumpness of their butt cheeks, researching future picture galleries for the greater good. We'll also be arguing with local taxi drivers over the outrageous fares they'll no doubt charge us, spotting our spoilt, pale, pasty, junk food ridden Western bodies, and the scent of money coming off our socks with sandals ensemble and faux designer shades.
So the usual KB team will be dwindled, we'll be flying the flag at half-mast, lamely limping along with the remaining office-monkeys coping as best they can. Which'll mainly mean crying, arguing and fighting about who's getting the bacon in and whose turn it is to have a break down because we can't print that picture of Keyboard Cat making out with Emma Watson. Thus, tragically, regretfully, the updates will be lighter. Especially on pictures and the blog, which will no doubt make the days longer, the edging ever closer to death will become almost tangible, the relentless boredom of the working day an abhorrent reality. Of maybe you'll not even notice.
For the lighter updates we can only apologise, but blame the scumbags who think they deserve a break in their working lives. There was talk of replacing the absentees with infant marmosets, a brain in a jar, those nodding dogs you see in cars, a see-saw, a coin-operated fortune-telling dinosaur, a pack of tarot cards, the Doozers from Fraggle Rock, the spittle from a rabid dog, a dozen lolcat images and the entire cast of Golden Girls (until we realised most of them were dead). But they wanted a job to come back to, and job security is paramount in these troubled times, so we just decided we'd try and share their responsibilities amongst the remaining few. It's going to be tough for them, pity their ineptitude, but most of all abuse them, heckle them, and demand to know why a full update is not occurring.
do some work!!
Added: 30 days ago by paddyo
MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Tagged, and many more...Wherever you look you can find a social network being used by someone in your vicinity; unless you're Amish, of course. These sites claim to "help locate old school friends" or to "increase your social networking skills" and other such mumbo jumbo, which sounds good, but what is the price people pay for signing up to these sites? At first you may enter into it thinking "I wonder if Jim Bob really did move interstate?", or something similar, but you can soon find yourself entangled in lies, false profiles, and even some criminal activities.
Everybody lies. It's a well known fact of human nature, and anyone who says they don't lie is lying. The age of computers and the internet makes this ability to lie so much easier, because you're hidden by a screen and, at times, thousands of miles of open ocean or open highway. Sometimes people do it deliberately, to gain the favour of their online peers, and at times, people don't realise they're doing it. Either way, judging a person by the face value of what they've put on their profile, or what they tell you, without the benefits of having their facial and body language to read, can often be a tricky way to "do business".
How easy is it to make up a false profile? I mean, all you have to do is search for some images on the internet, make up some random information to fit what you've got, and voila! You have your very own fake profile. Often times there are fake profiles of celebrities, no matter how minor, or of the kid next door, just because it could be fun to play a joke. But how much of a joke is it really? We've already seen what can happen when someone uses a social networking profile to torment and degrade a young soul, and these aren't isolated incidences. All over the world people are either pretending to be someone younger, better looking, or just completely different. The addition of Twitter to this bevy of networks only fuels the fire; it's a stalker's new best friend. If you tweet every little detail of where you're going, if someone wants to stalk you, all they need is an internet ready phone, or a laptop connected via wi-fi. Yes it's your choice to post, but sometimes people don't think before they tweet.
I admit that at times there are the odd pre-teen or new teen who seem to be mature beyond their years, and are actually great to talk to, but, at the same time, there are the immature brats like the "OMG TWILIGHT!" kids, and to a lesser extent the "OMG HARRY POTTER!" kids or, even worse, the "OMG NO-ONE UNDERSTANDS ME AND I HAVE NO FRIENDS KIDS!". Who just annoy the hell out of people constantly, and don't get the hint when you tell them to choof off (for those who don't know what choof off means, it's a euphemism). It surprises me, and makes me a little sick in the stomach, to see kids who post their age on here as, for example, 14 and then seem to want to talk about everything adult under the sun, and instead of discouraging it, there are people of an adult age and demeanour who just want it to keep going.
On the other side, the flip side of the coin, there are the arguably idiotic, and seemingly incomprehensible members who think that because of their age, they are mature, or adult and can do what they like in those regards. As adults, it is our obligation to nurture and teach those younger than us, in a truly mature and professional way. Talking about how good your sex life is, or how good it is to score drugs, or any other subject that a child of 14 really has no business delving in to, is morally and legally irresponsible.
Now, I'm not completely against these social networks. They are a great way to keep in touch with old friends from school who may have dropped off the face of the earth. I have a MySpace and a Facebook, so I'm not completely inept at what they're about. The only problem I have is when there are kids of a less than desirable age posting pics of themselves in compromising positions or clothes which would only seem to make potential sex offenders hungry for more, and then those vile people might feel the urge to become a kid of that target's age. Social networks are awash with traps and snares and other dangerous things, and we need to be mindful about what we post on them, and also about what we read from others.
let's hope the pictures section returns sooner rather than later, then.
Added: 93 days ago by NuttyE
