Red Dwarf is, probably, one of the greatest science fiction sitcoms about 4 characters and their ship's computer lost in the vast absurdity of the universe set aboard a 6 mile long, 5 mile tall and 4 mile wide spaceship called Red Dwarf the world has ever known. For those that have seen it, it enriched our lives with its idiosyncratic characters, quotable lines and labyrinthine sci-fi plots. We won't talk about series VII and VIII though, with the (I can barely say it without my face contorting in abject disgust) the new Kochanski - so let's just act like they never happened and not dwell on them like a shape-changing genetic mutant feeding off my negative emotions. 'K?
Here's a look at some of the finest episodes this epic space farce ever produced, giving us endless silly quotes to mutter inanely like a secret code, you bunch of shape shifting pleasure GELFs.
1. Marooned
This has to be the best ever Red Dwarf episode purely for its total simplicity, allowing for some stunning uninterrupted monologues from our two disenfranchised heroes: Rimmer & Lister, who have crashed (evacuated from the mother ship on Holly's misguided advice) and are alone together on an arctic moon in Starbug. Lister tries to survive by a combination of the heretical burning of books and Rimmer's savings, the eating of Bonjela oral gum gel and dog food (FYI Craig Charles actually did eat cat food). It was one of the only episodes to be given a 15 certificate due to Lister's description of losing his virginity age 12 on a golf course, whilst Rimmer shares his only true comparable tale in which it turns out he actually had his hand in warm compost.
2. Back to Reality
An absolute classic and general favourite, Timothy Spall stars in this 1984 inspired dystopian nightmare fantasy brought on by ink from a suicide squid. The episode employs a genius mechanism when it comes to the car chases and helicopter scenes - which the BBC couldn't possibly afford, even in its most optimistic wet dreams - by switching to reveal the hallucination and showing the crew acting out said heroics in Starbug's hull, running round and round their polystyrene crates, in a truly British homage to community centre, armature dramatic theatricals.
3. The End
The one that kicked it all off, the first episode, and while it was the end for most of the crew of Red Dwarf is was the beginning of a brilliant new sitcom. You know it's going to be something special when the first episode's full of quotable gems like "Is that a cigarette your smoking Lister?" "No. It's a chicken" and Dave's questioning of whether certain members of the crew are still alive only to be told repeatedly by Holly that "Everybody's dead Dave".
4. Thanks for the Memory
This was nearly number one for its combination of awesomely clever narrative structure and ever tragically hilarious excavations of Rimmer's misanthropic mind - all the boys wake up with a dose of amnesia, one broken leg each and 4 pages torn out of Lister's diary. The mystery deepens further with some surf board sized foot prints on an adjacent planet surface, and a grave containing Red Dwarf's black box topped with a headstone which reads 'To the Memory of the Memory of Lisa Yates' - all tantalisingly queued up to be unravelled. Although comparatively I think it's the notion of Lister owning a diary which seems the most far fetched.
5. Meltdown
Whilst Rimmer turns into that power crazed general on a planet populated by warring historical wax droids ("Don't eyeball me, Ghandi"), Lister has to watch Winnie the Pooh being executed by firing squad (after refusing the blind fold). "That is something no one should ever have to see".
6. The Inquisitor
A self repairing stimulant survives till the end of time and comes to the conclusion that there is no God, no afterlife and the only possible point to existence can be to have lead a worthwhile life. Rimmer laments "Why didn't anyone tell me this earlier, if I'd known that the point was to lead a worthwhile life I could have tried. All those charity telethons I called into, I would have given them my credit card number". A concept that has truly haunted me since I first viewed it.although not enough to actually do anything about it.
7. White Hole
"Given that God is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite...would you like a toasted teacake?" A superb episode with one of my favourite scenes which I'd like us all to pause and reflect on for a moment, it's the excellent "So what is it?" scene. "I think we've experienced this moment of time before, sir" "Only joking" "And that one." Sublime.
8. Terrorform
Simply one of the best openings scenes of a sitcom, ever. Kryton comes round after a crash, trapped and rapidly expiring, he fashions his one good hand and eye into a rescue party which turns up back on Red Dwarf. The messenger then climbs up the unsuspecting Lister's trouser leg as he sits at a computer terminal, dumb struck with fear Lister then engages in a hilarious typed conversation with the cat (who initially thinks he is playing an adventure game) which involves the lines:
Cat: I'm scared
Lister: You're scared!
Cat: You haven't seen it!!! - it's got an eye the size of a meatball.
Later on a planet's entire terrain is inspired by the landscape of Rimmer's mind. One word: Perdition.
9. Queeg
After another disastrous fail demonstrating - yet again - Holly's impotent intellect Lister is flung across the engineering room after a meteor strike, and the Red Dwarf back up computer Queeg is deployed to relieve Holly of his duties. "Look, Lister, no point feeling sorry about Holly. It's a kindness. Like a blind old incontinent sheepdog, he's had his day. Take him out to the barn with a double-barrelled shot-gun and blow the mother away. And I'm only saying that because I'm so fond of him." An archetypal cautionary tale of 'you don't know what you've got till it's gone' and how to create a dog's milk asteroid in one simple lesson.
10. Justice
"I would describe the accused as a git".
"smeg!"
Added: 13 hours ago by Glen_Beckwad
One of the unexpected benefits of the current scarcity of original ideas in Hollywood is the surprising migration of documentaries from the high number Sky channels to the art house and, even, the multiplex cinemas. I still think it rather strange to sit down in the cinema to watch a documentary; after all, aesthetically they aren't particularly suited to Dolby surround and massive screens. My own guess is that as the majority of Hollywood movies have become such slaves to the "high concept" ideal I've began to crave stories that are more focused on something relatable.
A way of cleansing the palate after swallowing the latest exercise in noise and sparkle that's been marketed down my throat. And I find it curiously pleasing that there are more interesting and varied stories out there in the real world than in the studios portfolio of comic book adaptations and horror remakes. (I just checked to make sure I wasn't raving there and out of 19 movies on at my local omniplex there are only 4 that are original stories, and one of those is Couples Retreat...).
So if you're looking for something other than the increasingly pornographic sensibilities of modern cinema here are some alternatives to the uninspired fantasy of Hollywood.
Deliver Us From Evil
Although the presentation of this doc is rather pedestrian - lots of slow sweeps over photographs and memos, too many talking heads sitting in office cubicles - this unintentionally serves only to reinforce what Hannah Arendt called "the banality of evil." As the story of paedophile priests unfolds the mind is left reeling at the way such despicable crimes are rationalized and dismissed by the Catholic Church. Interviews with victims are among the most disturbing things you'll ever see, I couldn't watch the screen when a father breaks down, half screaming, half crying, "Not molesting...Raping! He raped her. At 5 years old." Watching Father Oliver O'Grady walking through the park describing how he picked his victims while a child walks past in the background will redefine what you think a horror movie really is.
Touching the Void
Moving as far from the traditional documentary template as possible Touching the Void is the story of two mountaineers whose adventure up the Siula Grande turns into the most amazing story of survival. Utilizing a mixture of interviews and extremely well made dramatic reconstructions, this is an incredible edge of the seat thrill ride. It's testament to the skill of director Kevin Macdonald that he manages to keep an atmosphere of mortal peril even though the protagonists are both obviously alive and well, telling their story in a studio.
Earth/Planet Earth
The camera, high above, tracks along a river towards a drop off. The roar of water grows until we're swept past and turned to see the awesome sight of the 1000ft high Angel Falls, the world's highest free-flowing waterfall complete with rainbow slicing through the ephemeral mist. It's a hairs-on-the-back-of-the-neck moment. Even the most visually inventive directors must throw their arms up with despair as the BBC's Natural History team conjured up breathtaking sight after breathtaking sight simply by pointing a camera in the right direction. CGI may have given us Middle Earth but it's not a patch on the real thing.
Anvil: The Story of Anvil
It's the ultimate buddy movie, it's a real world Spinal Tap, it's a Chicken Soup For The Soul for people who don't read inane bullsh#t, and its f#cking METAL dude! Maybe the claims that you don't need to like the music to like the film are a bit optimistic, but they're not entirely without merit either. There's a wonderful bromance between Steve and Robb, an eye opening look at the rock and roll lifestyle for the ones who don't make it, and so many funny moments that comedy writers must be left feeling impotent next to the delicious ironies of the real world. It's particularly soothing if you're currently going through the annual torture of the X-Factor (or American Idol) with your girlfriend.
Dark Days
Marc Singer spent 2 years living with New York's homeless population and offers this magnificent, unflinching view of their world. Again it's strange that in Hollywood for a tramp to be interesting he must be a forgotten violin maestro or green beret when the real stories are so powerful and dramatic. [Ed -it also has a soundtrack by DJ Shadow.]
Gimme Shelter
The Rolling Stones' 1970 film following their 1969 tour, which culminated with the fateful era-ending clusterf#ck at Altamont is so much more than a concert video. The fly on the wall camera captures all the behind the scenes dealings and egos as they unwittingly head for disaster. It's remarkable for one other thing too, it's the only band documentary that I know of where the subjects don't come across well. Especially nowadays band docs are pretty much just 90 minute long glorified adverts, reverential to the artists and asinine in production. Gimme Shelter pulls no punches with Jagger and co. They really don't come out of it well. It would be nice to see some other bands with the same balls to show themselves warts and all. The tunes are good too.
Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation!
Watching this film will give you at least three hilarious behind the scenes movie stories to impress your friends with, to avoid spoiling them I'll just hint at one. Dennis Hopper was banned not only from driving any car in Australia but also from being a passenger...Besides the great anecdotes there's a ton of charm in this exploration of the cheerful and deeply crazy Australian movie scene. Quentin Tarantino loves it, it's pretty much movie geek heaven and much like the movies it's about, it's a wild ride.
A word on Michael Moore:
Michael Moore makes stupid documentaries. He reduces complicated issues to simple ideology re-enforcing agitprop for liberals. And on one hand I think, why not? I mean Christ, the right has got a whole gang of misrepresenting f#ckwit agitators, they've got their own news channel in America but it doesn't mean that Moore's hammering of easy targets and surface skimming threads are worthwhile. Adam Curtis makes the documentaries that Moore should make. So go and watch them.
i think it's funny when liberals bash fox news as a right wing network. i watched cnn for 20 years growing up. have you ever watched this idiot chris mathews on msnbc. liberals have had a free ride in the media since before the vietnam war. now they're pissed that finally there is one news source that may not be in the bag for the liberal side. you guys are babies. at lease fox presents both sides of the issue so you now how each side stands. you guys are just pissed that fox is the highest rated cable news network on the air.
Added: 3 days ago by scoobym3
It's Halloween, so why not. Everyone loves a zombie, whether they're slowly shifting towards you arms outstretched moaning grimly with little pieces of unknown human organ dripping from their pale faces, or frantically charging at you gnashing their teeth with their grey dead eyes that could out stare a shark.
Zombies are a bunch of hideous, brain eating, mindless monsters which what makes them so darn cool. Happy to consume the living, dining out on us, quaffing down poached organic human gallbladder, cassoulet of eyeball and a confit of rotting skin. They love it. So this is a celebration of their gruesome awesomeness.
And because it's Halloween I've picked some gory scenes of eye-gorging and delicious zombie mutilation. Mu-ha. Muhaha. Muhahahahaha!
Shaun of the Dead
The greatest British movie ever made (well maybe 2nd to Withnail and I), and a kick-ass zombie movie to boot. Expertly interweaving comedy, romance and the zombie apocalypse. Not only is it truly laugh-out-loud funny with some great dialogue and plenty of memorable scenes, it's also gory. Even Romero loves it. Here are some outtakes with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, two comedy gods.
George A Romero's zombie trilogy
Three films in one here, and they're all classics.
Night of the Living Dead set the tone, in moody black and white it was something of a revelation. Dawn of the Dead relocated to a shopping mall with all the not-so-veiled consumerist symbolism. And then the nuclear bunker paranoid brilliance of Day of the Dead. Then he had to go and ruin it all with Land of the Dead and *shudder* Diary of the Dead. Maybe he's turned into one of his beloved zombies.
Re-Animator
An 80s science fiction horror cult classic, it's a film from another era. It centres on a medical student who is trying to develop a formula to revive the dead. It's got gore, and by god it's got plenty of it, but in between the blood-letting it has moments of inspired comedy which elevates it above other movies of its ilk. Here's a compilation of the goriest bits. M'mmm.
Zombie flesh Eaters (Zombie 2)
Directed by horror icon Lucio Fulci, it's a stone cold zombie classic. Even if you were a brain dead zombie craving human flesh who had the intelligence of a lobotomised tadpole with dementia you'd still enjoy this. It's grisly, it's gory, it's f#cking A. And it's famous for two scenes, firstly an eye-popping eye gorging scene, watch it here. And secondly for a zombie wrestling a shark. That's right. A muthaf#cking shark. Watch and worship it's depraved genius.
Dead Snow
Zombie Nazis. Splattered blood on crisp white snow. Fuck yeah. Here's a funny scene involving said zombies getting attacked with chainsaws, a weapon that's guaranteed to inflict some intestine splurging, mutilated damage.
Dawn of the Dead (remake)
Part of the new wave of zombies that are agile and, more troubling, fast. Who move like they're late for work down at the organ-munching centre. It has a brilliant opening scene that jars you like a turd you've just dropped leaping out of the bowl and dancing the Charleston while singing Fly Me to the Moon. Watch it's malign brilliance here - nothing says gruesome like an enraged zombified child taking a savage lump of hot flesh from your husband's soft neck. It doesn't have the intelligence of the original but it does have a menacing pace and a relentless sense of the grim fruitless ordeal of a planet overrun by the undead.
I Walked With A Zombie
It's, loosely, a zombie version of Jane Eyre set in the exotic Caribbean, home of voodoo. It's an unsettling, brooding masterpiece from
director Jacques Tourneur. Haunting, peculiar, spectral, it's rightfully a classic and soon to be remade by the Saw guys.
Braindead (Dead Alive)
From Peter "LOTR" Jackson, his early films had humorous and splendidly gory violence which he seemed to relish like a cigar rolled on the thighs of virgins and sealed with the tuna juices of a Greek goddess. This is a classic, like his low-budget masterpiece Bad Taste. Set in New Zealand this movie sees a domineering mother bitten by a Sumatran Rat-Monkey which slowly turns her into a ravenous zombie. It has some grisly scenes, one set around the dinner table, and the end is sublime in its gory glory, featuring our protagonist attacking hordes of zombies, animated intestines and disembodied limbs with a lawnmower. The mother becomes a giant monster and in a moment of Freudian indulgence stuffs her son back into her stomach. It also has one of the coolest lines ever when a priest says, "I kick ass for the Lord!" Here's a compilation of the goriest bits. Yum.
i've never seen dead snow, but heard great things about it. has anyone seen it and can they confirm it's all that?
Added: 9 days ago by mardod
