This is a vehicle for all those people that think an environmental catastrophe is the stuff of myth, for those people that watch Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth and find it inconvenient and untruthful. Because not only is this a four wheel drive, the car equivalent of China in the polluter stakes, but it has seats covered in "whale-penis leather." Lolwut?

What's their next project? A steering wheel made from the pancreas of a tiger, tyres made from a panda's vagina? The world's declining fish stock used to make a jet-ski? I certainly hope so, because I've wanted to drive a car made from the stolen organs of the world's endangered species for some time.

Maybe they should start making car parts out of the f#cking Sun while they're at it. Yeah?

Who really cares about the Olympics? People who go on about adrenalin rushes and the "natural" high brought on from running ten kilometres a day are invariably boring assholes. What about taking part in a competitive sport which is actually fun and doesn't leave your legs feeling like they've been hit with a pool ball in a sock for five hours?

We're talking about San Francisco's annual Fap-a-thon, which is a bit like those telethons that they used to do on TV in the 80s to raise money for charity but with jerking off instead of dumb-ass celebrity dance routines and teddy bear mascots.

There are prizes in different categories, from "Longest Squirt" to "Most Orgasms," but the real sportsmen are found in the "longest time spent fapping" event.