We're all for tolerance of other people's beliefs here at Kontraband, but it's always cheering to hear about Scientology taking a beating because it seems to rest on manipulation, the promise of life-improvements and lots of other batsh#t. Using pseudo-psychological processes like "returning" to erase painful memories called "engrams" (a term Mr Hubbard stole from neuropsychology), they seek to enlighten, but are in fact doing the opposite by closing people's reality tunnels.

All Hubbard's theorizing is just the raping and pillaging of modern science for his own means, warping, bending and reshaping to fit his personal philosophy. Which is fine, but to turn that into a cult which claims legitimacy, well, it doesn't strike me as a trustworthy organisation.

Which is why it's good to hear this, that they've been convicted of fraud because that's what they are: fraudsters.

We are extremely pleased to give you the brand new issue of Monkey. This week's free Internet only magazine is literally jammed with joy - like Dita Von Teese copping off with another chick - you may get a heart murmur. Especially once you meet the gorgeous Evi who's waiting for you on page 28.

If Dita Von Teese necking another bird has got you teetering on the edge, then allow us to push you over it with this little lot.

Ever heard of a cute girl called Emily Scott? She's from Australia and she is looking stupidly sexy spread across pages 12 and 13. Go on treat yourself.

Want to see a bunch of fat people failing? Of course you do! Then take a look at Fatty Olympics. If you happen to be overweight, don't be offended. Just watch these videos and laugh yourself thin.

If after reading Monkey you feel a little dizzy don't panic. It's perfectly normal for a fully interactive Ezine to blow your mind. If the problem persists you should probably see a Doctor, it sounds pretty nasty.