Games to play when we're older:

1. Sag, You're it
2. Pin the toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red rover, Red rover, the nurse says bend over.
6. Simon says something incoherent.
7. Hide and go pee.
8. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
9. Musical recliners.


Chapter 2: Signs of Menopause

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate cult barely gives you four hours of decent rest.
5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales.


Chapter 3: Signs of Wear and Tear

OLD IS WHEN...Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
OLD IS WHEN...Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
OLD IS WHEN...Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
OLD IS WHEN..."Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fibre that day.
OLD IS WHEN..."Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

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