-- Fire a machine gun loaded with blanks at the White House. Secret Service may not find your gag all that amusing, but once you shout "April Fool's!" you can't be arrested. That's a fact.

-- Rape a really hot girl. Then be like "April Fools! I don't find you physically attractive at all."

-- Send a bunch of Ethiopian kids pictures of you burning food. I don't think they're even aware of April Fool's over there, but that just makes it funnier.

-- At the family dinner table, unscrew the top of the salt shaker. The next person to use it will get salt everywhere! And when they lean over to clean up the mess, inject them with AIDS.

-- If you have a wife and kids who depend on you to provide for them, kill yourself. That's a lot to sacrifice, but comedy is all about commitment.

-- Replace your pastor's latest sermon with the script from Gremlins. It's likely no one else will notice, but it should make you laugh.

-- Throw darts at fat people. It's not much of a prank, but fat people don't really deserve the effort.

-- Plant a bunch of blueprints for the Empire State Building in a Muslim guy's house and make an anonymous call to the FBI. Don't worry, Muslims have a terrific sense of humor.

-- Tell your parents you're not gay.

-- Wait until August 27. Walk into a Burger King and make your way back to the kitchen area. Cut off an employee's head and toss it in the deep fryer, then shout "April Fool's!" When someone says "It's August 27, you crazy asshole!" you just say "Oh..." and walk out.

-- Terminate your wife/girlfriend's pregnancy while she sleeps. Funny now, practical later.

-- Descend from the heavens dressed as Jesus. When all eyes are upon you, say "Sorry, not yet. Make sure your kids waste their time on this bullsh#t too." Then return to the clouds.

-- When he's not looking, paint a black guy white. He'll be so disappointed when he ends up getting hired.

-- Tie a bottle of glue to the end of a stick. Tie the other end to the top of a retard's head. Works as a prank or as transportation. (Note: You can also glue a tail to the back of a tard's pants and watch it chase the tail. God, they're a fun bunch.)

-- Kidnap a doctor and tie him up in a shed. Posing as his replacement, Dr. Frank Luftwich, tell all of his patients they have cancer.

-- If you truly want to make your mark on this day, exterminate six million Jews. People are still talking about that one.

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