TARZAN AND JANE

Remember when you were a teen and it was cool to have some hair hanging down in front of your eyes? Well, according to Tasmanian optometrist Andrew Hogan, "trendy" hair might cause lazy eyes.

Hogan, who happens to be the education director for the Optometrists Association of Tasmania, said that amblyopia, also know as the lazy eye, can be caused by obstructed vision due to hair that flops over one of a person's eyes.

Hogan amusingly said, "If a young emo chap has a fringe covering one eye all the time, that eye won't see a lot of detail," and reiterated that if the hair is obstructing vision from a young age, that the eye can become lazy.

THE Magic Fox Vintage Smoothie Boutique Urban Forest Pop Up Chill Retreat is to be Britain's first 100 percent twat-friendly festival. As the festival-marketing season begins, the organisers of the new event claim to have concocted the ultimate pretentious weekend for utterly dreadful people.

Festival 'curator' Tom Logan said: "My friends and I wanted to create something for ourselves - a right bunch of wealthy jumped-up media twats with a ridiculous sense of entitlement and legions of horrible mop-headed children, all of whom are called Mungo.

"Magic Fox Vintage Smoothie Boutique Urban Forest Pop Up Chill Retreat is a combination of all the most annoying, smug, po-faced aspects of festival culture into a smorgasbord of heavily-branded twatness."