This guy has a foot like a traction engine. Known only as The Brain, he is bringing football onto the streets and displaying a blatant disregard for those around him. Brilliant.

So we get football in the local bar, in shops, on buses, balls being hoofed down busy high streets, will one of the shoppers go for a diving header?

Doubtful, but he's sure to ruffle some feathers. Let's just hope he doesn't get a red card. He even has the 'balls' to get a header off a policeman.

Not quite sure about the significance of the girl with the orange plastic bags, but she seems to be enjoying herself, so why not?

It's the news none of use wanted to hear. Scientists adapted geographic profiling to investigate the hunting habits of great whites and discovered they match that of serial killers. Those demons of the sea, that have black eyes, like a doll's eyes, target their prey in the same way as Hannibal Lecter. FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Dear god, we're all doomed!! Next time I go swimming in waters that may harbour a great white I'm going to be on the lookout for a highly cultured shark.

I can just imagine it sitting on the ocean bed in a restraint mask, cooking up some flava beans with one hand, while reading a laminated copy of Joyce's Finnegans Wake in the other, listening to traditional Japanese court music, surrounded by eviscerated baby seals, diving masks and empty oxygen tanks with suspicious bite marks on them.

As if we needed more reasons to be scared of them. What next, Nazi crocodiles that can fly and have thumbs?