We all think cats are cute balls of fluffy fun, but there's also something sinister about them. Sometimes you occasionally glance over at them, and you catch them glaring at you, it's not the look an affectionate pet gives their master, but a steely cold look of merciless hatred and repugnance. The look a murdered child's mother gives the killer when he gets off with manslaughter - there's something untoward in that glance, something unsettling. Like the cat is exacting revenge right there in its little fur-lined skull.

Call me paranoid, call me deluded, call me irresponsible, heck you can even call me unreliable but I'm onto something here, I've been onto it for some time, all I needed was the slightest hint of validation and I've found it.

Now we've established that cats are the spawn of the unholy armies of Lucifer and are all out to massacre our families while we sleep, you need to know the tell tail (!) signs, and just what are those? Is it a destruction of feral alley cats staking out your house, maliciously tapping baseball bats on their paws - the bats themselves strewn with matted human hair, congealed blood and skull fragments? Is it a pride of lions constantly cruising by your house in a pimped-up Chevrolet Camaro, shooting you the evil eye, then pointing at you and making a slicing motion across their throats?

No, that would just be too easy; they're far more mundane, far more ordinary, so check out this list and be afraid. Get your cat, before it gets you...

Everyone's favourite crime fighting, orphaned weirdo is in for some trouble. Looks like Bob Kane's name for his seminal cultural icon wasn't so original after all, or so some bozos claim...

Whatever next? Mother Nature's going to sue Stan Lee and Steve Ditko for copyright infringement and getting the colours all wrong, you fools, when creating Spider-Man (ever seen a red and blue spider?). Is the body of an old ship or some 'unwieldy mass' going to sue Marvel for stealing the name Hulk?

Will the gravestone of influential comic-book legend Jack Kirby get desecrated by some ageing grey-haired beach bum, for stealing his moniker of Silver Surfer? Is a bolt of lightning going to strike down DC comics HQ for stealing the name Flash? Huh? Is it? Is that what you want! Jeez, I can feel my very DNA beginning to unravel in maddening fury.

It's just plain ridiculousness, although it is quite fun to think of various superheroes and then think up what sort of thing could sue them for stealing its name. Fun for about 30 seconds anyway.

So go on give it a try and send them to giveahoot@hotmail.com, the best ones'll get sued for stealing my idea.