MEPHISTOPHELES ENCOUNTERS THE E.U.L.A

Millions of Facebook users say they avoid uploading photos and remove their name from all pictures of them on the site because they feel too fat, old or ugly. A survey found that almost one in two people admitted to leaving out pictures from their "fat days" when uploading pictures to their online profile.

In addition, one in 10 women admitted to feeling sick when they saw a picture of themselves on Facebook and 13 per cent avoided being photographed altogether in case the images ended up on the site.

One in 10 admitted to using a photo of someone else on their social networking profile, like their dog, an avatar or cartoon drawing, to avoid old friends and work mates seeing a real picture of them.

AN EARLY form of Sugababes could have existed during the reign of King Henry VIII, it emerged last night. Documents and paintings discovered in a secret chamber at Hampton Court Palace refer to a trio of female entertainers know as 'The Sweet Women', who wore low cut bodices and caked more cochineal and lead-based poster paint onto their faces than other ladies of the time.

Tom Logan, professor of applied sugababeology at Reading University, said: "When Henry wasn't dissolving monks or testing the thickness of his wife's neck fat, he liked to settle down with a teenage Spanish virgin, a big bucket of goats testicles and watch three high society ladies slut it up on the dance floor.

"We believe these women - Lady Charlotte D'Agney, Lady Elizabeth Villieux and the third one, Beyonce of Arundel, could very well have been the first in the long line of tone deaf jail-bait that evolved into the current Sugababes."