OBJECTIVIST HAMSTER UTOPIA

On Sunday, Northern Italy was rocked by a magnitude-6.0 earthquake. In the process, many cheese factories in the region suffered damage-and it is estimated that over 300,000 wheels of cheese, thought to be worth at least £202 million, have been destroyed.

The region, just north of the city of Bologna, is most famous for its Parmesan and Grana Padano. As the earthquake struck, wheels of the cheeses-which can weigh up to 90 pounds-came toppling from their storage shelves.

There's no word on what will happen to the cheese, but you can bet some of the factory's employees are rolling them home as we speak. There will be some pretty stinky pasta doing the rounds this week, that's for sure.

OWNERS of Mazda's popular affordable roadster are certain they attract admiring glances, it has been claimed.

As the weather improves, the reasonably-priced sports car containing balding men and their wives is once again ubiquitous on UK roads. And according to research by the Institute for Studies, 94% of Mx-5 drivers would describe themselves as 'cool'.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: "Although this little car has obvious merits, it is perhaps less charismatic than the middle-managers and hairdressers that drive it like to believe. I mean, you wouldn't see George Clooney driving one, unless he'd just had an incredibly expensive divorce."