PAINTED TEEN PARADISE

On Sunday, Northern Italy was rocked by a magnitude-6.0 earthquake. In the process, many cheese factories in the region suffered damage-and it is estimated that over 300,000 wheels of cheese, thought to be worth at least £202 million, have been destroyed.

The region, just north of the city of Bologna, is most famous for its Parmesan and Grana Padano. As the earthquake struck, wheels of the cheeses-which can weigh up to 90 pounds-came toppling from their storage shelves.

There's no word on what will happen to the cheese, but you can bet some of the factory's employees are rolling them home as we speak. There will be some pretty stinky pasta doing the rounds this week, that's for sure.

Facebook is today launching its Initial Public Offering, selling shares at $38 and somehow valuing the morons who fill your newsfeed with poorly articulated tedious updates at approximately $120 each.

With a market value of $108bn, Facebook is apparently somehow under the impression that each of their 900 million users is worth more than an iPod shuffle.

Facebook user Simon Williams said, "I considered investing, of course - who wouldn't? But then I realised that the majority of people who use Facebook are essentially bereft of worth, both financially and emotionally."