PENIS BASED PRESENT

AN EARLY form of Sugababes could have existed during the reign of King Henry VIII, it emerged last night. Documents and paintings discovered in a secret chamber at Hampton Court Palace refer to a trio of female entertainers know as 'The Sweet Women', who wore low cut bodices and caked more cochineal and lead-based poster paint onto their faces than other ladies of the time.

Tom Logan, professor of applied sugababeology at Reading University, said: "When Henry wasn't dissolving monks or testing the thickness of his wife's neck fat, he liked to settle down with a teenage Spanish virgin, a big bucket of goats testicles and watch three high society ladies slut it up on the dance floor.

"We believe these women - Lady Charlotte D'Agney, Lady Elizabeth Villieux and the third one, Beyonce of Arundel, could very well have been the first in the long line of tone deaf jail-bait that evolved into the current Sugababes."

Working hard? Been a busy morning? Well you deserve a well-earned break, a short respite. And what better way to take your mind off it all then by playing a video-game. And what better video-game to play then this awesome ball-bouncing one involving the one and only Mr. T. So quit yo jibber-jabber!

Control Mr. T sitting in his tank where he encourages or berates you depending how skilled you are. Bounce the ball of his tank against the bricks and Snickers bars above, keep going for as long as you can. Simple, highly addictive and great fun.

Get nuts, go nuts, get points, get practicing, get a high score. Make Mr. T proud, and don't make him pity the fool!