If I hadn't watched a video of two science guys I've never met, performing this experiment and speaking with authoritative voices, I would never have believed it. Because that's the kind of solid proof I need, if I see it on a screen, it must be true.

Who'd've thought something so simple and seemingly innocent would be fraught with such hidden dangers? I've been using sticky tape for years, does that mean I've got radiation poisoning? I'm sure my bones have weakened slightly, only yesterday I was walking up some stairs when my left fibula shattered and I fell over, only to put my hand out to break the fall, when all I broke was my hand, which then crumbled into dust. I'd sticky tape it back together but I'm afraid to...

There is one good thing to come from this, Stan Lee could create a brand new superhero, say one that for all his young life has collected beer mats (let's say his dad's a no good bar fly, adds a certain pathos) to stick into a scrap book and he always used sticky tape...cue frantic panelling showing radiation affecting young Jimmy's cellular structure and turning him into the glutinous Gummy Boy! Kind of like Spider-Man but he shoots sticky tape (double-sided!) from his wrists and can wrap a present in seconds without the finished product looking like a gift-wrapped ground-zero. Amazing, huh?

Right, now let's sell the film rights to Warner and make ourselves some easy millions!

Sometimes you go out to a restaurant and you remark that the food tastes like cr#p. Well for these unfortunates they could say it with utter conviction; their food really did taste like cr#p, because it was cr#p - literally.

Never upset managers or chefs at a restaurant, it's the unwritten rule of dinning out, because when it comes down to it they're the people who are serving you your food. And if they choose to curl out a dirty protest into your dessert then by Gordon Ramsey's tiny balls, they will.

In a move that was bitterly ironic, as bitter as the finest 80% cocoa solids dark chocolate, the dessert served to these hapless souls was chocolate ice-cream! You can afford yourself a little chuckle at that, it's harsh, but funny.

It's now descended into a nasty spat and I bet both parties can't wait to see the back of the whole damn, ahem, stinking mess. The lesson? You can't polish a turd, but you can disguise it in some chocolate ice-cream.

Until someone eats some, that is.