The last place you'd be looking for some loving is at a church, not even God himself would bother - you'd have more excitement at a lecture about paint drying before heading off for an afternoon's train spotting with a man who collects antique cutlery. Or so you'd think, but not this Casanova.

He manages to do the dirty with a nun using the old chat up line "I'm Jesus Christ" - works every time - to woo the lady in question, and then proceeds to recount his adventures with her holiest of holies. And it's pretty shocking stuff.

Not for the faint-hearted or the deeply religious, but for the rest of us it's very funny. I'm sure the nun couldn't possibly go back to a life of prayer and contemplation after this impassioned encounter.

Roll up, roll up and join Monkey for the ultimate test of manliness. Can you tell the difference between real, wholesome breasts and massive, hard fakies? If you only get a couple right you need to man up a bit, watching Carmen Electra's sex tape on page 5 will probably do the trick!

KEELEY GETS NAKED IN PROTEST- She hates fur so much she burnt all her clothes! UNSEEN MEGAN FOX SNAPS - Well they'll be unseen until you feast your eyes upon them.

THE WORST ALBUM COVERS OF ALL TIME- Hot, salty tears of laughter will be shed over this bunch of misfit spazmoids. PLAY THE COMEDY FRUITY- Have a spin on the classic comedy fruit machine, you'll be well pleased with the jackpot.

Monkey: The home of really good stuff!