HELP END WOMEN'S SUFFRAGE !

A NEW internet is to be created for people who like writing comments, so everyone else can enjoy surfing the web without their torrents of bile.

The new web, dubbed 'Masturnet' after users' penchant for literal and metaphorical self-indulgence, will be just pictures of things with the question 'Why do you hate this?' underneath.

Google-built algorithms will reward commenters by adding random numbers of Facebook Likes or retweets, giving users the false impression that they're not just screaming their repugnant semi-literate vitriol into an ocean of white noise.

A team of people from 2012 tried to re-create and build a boat from 1550 BC, the Bronze Age, but failed spectacularly. When the ship was lowered into the ocean, it immediately filled with water and started sinking. Yikes, we suck.

The team was made up of British archaeologists and craftsmen who have been hammering away and building the boat with Bronze Age tools and methods for the past three months.

The boat it was based on, used oak planks sewn together with yew lashings. It sounds like a wonderful project, right? Let's see how the building chops of modern men stack up with ancient techniques! Sadly, we embarrassed ourselves.