BANANA PHONE - THE REVENGE

Our friends at TheSmokingJacket.com recently did a review of some legal synthetic weed and came through with some interesting results. If you're tired of getting busted then read this and smoke all your troubles away.

So when the people at TopK2.com sent us a bunch of perfectly legal synthetic marijuana (legal in the state we're writing this in, anyway) we did what any responsible comedy site would do. We blazed that shit up.

Does it work? The short answer to the question on everyone's mind is, yes, it works. The immediate after effects were similar to what you would get from smoking real weed: dry mouth, dry eyes, disdain for the government, low television viewing standards, etc. But read on to find out more.

SIX HUNDRED year-old Tatooine crime lord Jabba The Hutt is to replace Dannii Minogue on the X Factor judging panel, it has been confirmed.

ITV welcomed the new addition and revealed that acts which displease him will either be eaten immediately in a single mouthful or hurled screaming into the brand new Sarlacc Pit which will be installed beneath the stage.

The amphibious blob of fecal matter is believed to have signed to the series for a seven-figure package including two dozen slave girls, a big jar full of eels and the head of Lando Calrissian. A spokesman said: "Naturally we're excited to have a star whose notoriety extends as far as Mylok IV, homeworld of the Nharwaak.