MOMMY SAID I CAN

Facebook is today launching its Initial Public Offering, selling shares at $38 and somehow valuing the morons who fill your newsfeed with poorly articulated tedious updates at approximately $120 each.

With a market value of $108bn, Facebook is apparently somehow under the impression that each of their 900 million users is worth more than an iPod shuffle.

Facebook user Simon Williams said, "I considered investing, of course - who wouldn't? But then I realised that the majority of people who use Facebook are essentially bereft of worth, both financially and emotionally."

A team of people from 2012 tried to re-create and build a boat from 1550 BC, the Bronze Age, but failed spectacularly. When the ship was lowered into the ocean, it immediately filled with water and started sinking. Yikes, we suck.

The team was made up of British archaeologists and craftsmen who have been hammering away and building the boat with Bronze Age tools and methods for the past three months.

The boat it was based on, used oak planks sewn together with yew lashings. It sounds like a wonderful project, right? Let's see how the building chops of modern men stack up with ancient techniques! Sadly, we embarrassed ourselves.