The internet's fastest growing child exchange network! And the favourite website of a certain bear, I hear he's soon to be their spokesperson. It's a bit like swapping trading cards at elementary school, like Garbage Pail Kids (if you remember those).

So if you've had a child and you can't bear the sight of them any more, say they're just not quite as sporty as you wished or they're a bit of a wimp and get bullied a lot. Then you can put them on this site, create a profile for them, and then trade them for your perfect son or daughter. Be prepared to haggle though, some parents drive a hard bargain.

Don't hang onto an unwanted child. If you wanted a boy and you got a girl, or vice versa, then just swap them, it works out best for everybody. You want your child to be happy, right? Then trade them!

It's the news none of use wanted to hear. Scientists adapted geographic profiling to investigate the hunting habits of great whites and discovered they match that of serial killers. Those demons of the sea, that have black eyes, like a doll's eyes, target their prey in the same way as Hannibal Lecter. FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Dear god, we're all doomed!! Next time I go swimming in waters that may harbour a great white I'm going to be on the lookout for a highly cultured shark.

I can just imagine it sitting on the ocean bed in a restraint mask, cooking up some flava beans with one hand, while reading a laminated copy of Joyce's Finnegans Wake in the other, listening to traditional Japanese court music, surrounded by eviscerated baby seals, diving masks and empty oxygen tanks with suspicious bite marks on them.

As if we needed more reasons to be scared of them. What next, Nazi crocodiles that can fly and have thumbs?