TO CATCH A POLANSKI

Armed with one toy weapon in each hand, David Canterbury swung the Star Wars light sabers at three customers in a Toys R Us store in Oregon on December 14 last year.

The would-be Jedi then launched an attack at police officers waiting for him outside the store, successfully deflecting a stun gun dart, according to police at the scene. He was also said to have been mumbling something incoherently.

Judge Kenneth Walker handed the man a 45-day jail sentence, after he pleaded no contest to charges of assault and resisting arrest. The man was also submitted for a mental health evaluation.

Doc: What seems to be the problem? Uncle B: My neurons have been bashed around to the extent I can no longer write headlines that make any discernible sense. Not only do they not make sense, they rarely relate to any content on the page and would probably only be useful in describing a silly 70s festival where people wear mad velvet top hats and spangly clogs .

Doc: Have you been mixing class A narcotics, mind-bending amounts of alcohol and reading choose-your-own-adventure novels from front to back again? Uncle B: No, doctor. All I did was stare at pictures of the amazing Scouse Amy and then I felt a sharp exit of all rationality rhythmically flow out of my brain and into my groin . It happened immediately and felt rather good.