MAN MILK MADNESS

AN EARLY form of Sugababes could have existed during the reign of King Henry VIII, it emerged last night. Documents and paintings discovered in a secret chamber at Hampton Court Palace refer to a trio of female entertainers know as 'The Sweet Women', who wore low cut bodices and caked more cochineal and lead-based poster paint onto their faces than other ladies of the time.

Tom Logan, professor of applied sugababeology at Reading University, said: "When Henry wasn't dissolving monks or testing the thickness of his wife's neck fat, he liked to settle down with a teenage Spanish virgin, a big bucket of goats testicles and watch three high society ladies slut it up on the dance floor.

"We believe these women - Lady Charlotte D'Agney, Lady Elizabeth Villieux and the third one, Beyonce of Arundel, could very well have been the first in the long line of tone deaf jail-bait that evolved into the current Sugababes."

A sketch to be performed by Borat star Sacha Baron Cohen at Sunday's Oscar ceremony has been axed, reports say. According to the New York magazine, an Academy Awards spokesman confirmed that the British actor was no longer scheduled to perform at the Oscars.

It is thought he had planned to poke fun at James Cameron's film Avatar in a comedy routine with Ben Stiller.

It is understood that the Ali G star had planned to appear on stage as one of Avatar's fictional blue-skinned female Na'vi characters, with Stiller translating what she was saying. After a while, Sacha Cohen would become angry and reveal he was pregnant with Cameron's baby and confront the director about it, who will be sitting in the audience.