TSUNAMI COLOSSUS MYSTERY

Remember when you were a teen and it was cool to have some hair hanging down in front of your eyes? Well, according to Tasmanian optometrist Andrew Hogan, "trendy" hair might cause lazy eyes.

Hogan, who happens to be the education director for the Optometrists Association of Tasmania, said that amblyopia, also know as the lazy eye, can be caused by obstructed vision due to hair that flops over one of a person's eyes.

Hogan amusingly said, "If a young emo chap has a fringe covering one eye all the time, that eye won't see a lot of detail," and reiterated that if the hair is obstructing vision from a young age, that the eye can become lazy.

PUPILS at Catholic schools are being encouraged to sign a petition against being a total bumpilot. The Vatican is hoping to use the average teenager's natural fear of being called gaymocentric to increase signatures on their petition opposing a law which will allow adults to be happy.

Archbishop Vincent Nichols said: "Teachers will tell pupils that any pen that hasn't signed the gay marriage petition is a gay pen. And we all know who uses gay pens, don't we?

"After that, it's a matter of personal conscience how the teachers proceed, but my own view is that they should ask the pupil if they're currently using their dirty homo pen to write a love poem to Alan Carr's testicles.