Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney - Who does he think he is ? Ronaldo, Luis Figo and Wayne Rooney are standing before God at the throne of Heaven. God looks at them and says; "before granting you a place at my side, ...
285 points

Crop dusters and seagull managers

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps o...
298 points

Bill Gates Heaven Or Hell

Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to sen...
326 points

And The Moral Is...

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me - it was her beautiful younger ...
304 points

13 Obvious Reasons That Show You Are Married

1/ Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. 2/ At the cocktail party, one w...
293 points

Letter from the Inland Revenue :(

Dear Mr Addison, I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ev...
313 points

MORE 'Little Known Facts' About Chuck Norris

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck ...
366 points

Things You Can Only Say At Xmas

For those who celebrate it, here are a list of things you can only say at Christmas: 1: I prefer breasts to legs. 2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 3: Smother the butter all over ...
291 points

Aussie Aussie Aussie...

Aussie Aussie Aussie... We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand), and altho...
328 points

An Interesting Shopping Trip

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had just been reduced...
299 points

Politics for hillbillies

Politics for hillbillies :- Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour. Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk. Facism: You have 2 cows;...
303 points

Life's Mysteries In "Human Terms"

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance. Smart man + dumb woman = affair. Dumb man + smart woman = marriage. OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Dumb boss + smart ...
310 points

That Son Of A B#tch!

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned." Priest: "What have you done my child?" Girl: "I called a man a son of a b#tch." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a b#tch?" Girl: "Because he t...
346 points

If This Wasn't So True It'd Be Funny !

A guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy the...
333 points

Walking The Dog

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he'...
301 points

If Corporate Taglines Were Honest

iPod: It’ll break in a year, but by then you’ll want the new one. Apple: You think you need it, we know you just want it. Samsung: Didn’t you mean to buy Sony? Ikea: One day you’ll be...
308 points

The Bug

Every night, Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to...
298 points

Subject: Fw: Letter to the FAA

Subject: Fw: Letter to the FAA Letter to the Federal Aviation Agency 800 Independence Avenue S.W. Washington D.C. 20591 Dear Sirs, I've had a lot of time on my hands of late and believe that I ...
314 points

Kids

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas. "Things I've learned from my children" (honest & no kidding): 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. h...
297 points

Handy Dictionary for Personal Ads

Handy Dictionary for Personal Ads WOMEN'S ADS 40-ish.....................49 Adventurer.................Slept with all your friends Athletic...................No tits Average looking............Fa...
317 points

Sign in to continue

Bowman
Stay tuned with Kontraband

What's happening now:

loading..

Get the Kontraband App:

Follow us on Facebook:

Ninja2