Bill Gates Heaven Or Hell

Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to sen...
148 points

That Son Of A B#tch!

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned." Priest: "What have you done my child?" Girl: "I called a man a son of a b#tch." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a b#tch?" Girl: "Because he t...
177 points

Voodoo Penis

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her...
136 points

If Corporate Taglines Were Honest

iPod: It’ll break in a year, but by then you’ll want the new one. Apple: You think you need it, we know you just want it. Samsung: Didn’t you mean to buy Sony? Ikea: One day you’ll be...
146 points

The Bug

Every night, Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to...
136 points

Only In Australia

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're...
138 points

New Computer Viruses

New Computer Viruses THE GEORGE BUSH: Attacks everything.. THE TONY BLAIR: Contains 'George Bush', but looks harmless. THE SADDAM: Harmless...Only effective on old operating systems. THE BIN LA...
125 points

Dear Dr Laura

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination ac...
145 points

Ten More Ways To Annoy Telemarketers

Ten ways to get payback on telemarketers: 1. Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. Maybe sing a song with all "No'...
131 points

The charm of the London Underground

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cro...
130 points

She Gives Them What Four!

This is soo true - even if u don't play golf... Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week. Then one of the lawy...
146 points

Drinking joke

Sean had been drinking at his local pub all day and most of the night. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight,Sean". Sean replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Se...
148 points

Office Dares

Office Dares Thing to keep you occupied at the office while you avoid work ! ONE-POINT DARES 1. Run one lap around the office at top speed 2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least...
150 points

Twenty Responses To Use With Telemarketers

Twenty responses to use with telemarketers 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 2. If they start out with, "How are you to...
140 points

College Kids

A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfri...
144 points

If This Wasn't So True It'd Be Funny !

A guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy the...
154 points

Stupid Blonde Joke !

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and Help me !" 'I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started.' He asks, "What is it supposed to be whe...
137 points

Things You Can Only Say At Xmas

For those who celebrate it, here are a list of things you can only say at Christmas: 1: I prefer breasts to legs. 2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 3: Smother the butter all over ...
136 points

Differences Between Women And Men

Difference Between Women And Men 1.NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go ...
150 points

Don't Mess With Beautiful Women

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has dis...
139 points

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