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WORDS OF WISDOM FROM DAVID BRENT If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation. What does a squirrel do in ...
75 points

Dear God

Dear God One for all you non believers There was this fellow who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came to his de...
77 points

That's A Long Time Without Sex !!!

An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, ...
67 points

What Is Politics?:

What Is Politics?: A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalis...
56 points

The BEST Geek Quotes Ever!

1/ There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. 2/ If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0 3/ I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user f...
53 points

Great Quotes On Suburbia -- Part 1

Wack, Fun, Pointed -- Even Serious -- Quotes That Folks In The Burbs Will 'Appreciate'...Life, Features, Frustrations, Amusements. On The Inner Workings of The House... "In my house there's this...
49 points

Things Not To Do At A Funeral

1. Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you. 2. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens. 3. Punch the body and te...
45 points

I Was Abducted By Aliens...

"I was abducted by aliens..." When asked to share the most unusual excuses workers gave for missing work, recruiting managers shared some of their favourite examples: "I'm too drunk to drive to w...
46 points

BMW Gadgets

One Day In IRELAND... While on a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drove his BMW into a gas station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously unaware of who the g...
43 points

Pregnant Pause

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is preg...
51 points

Mystical Funeral

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second lon...
36 points

Getting Old Looks Like Fun!

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart f...
38 points

Proof That Jesus Was...

Proof that Jesus was... ...Jewish: 1. He went into his father's business. 2. He lived at home until the age of 33. 3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God. ......
73 points

How To Take A Shower

How To Shower Like a Woman: Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way...
59 points

Kid Witnesses Mom and Dad 'Doing It !'

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen she dresses quickly an...
70 points

New York City Report Cards

New York City Report Cards These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!...
86 points

Holiday Greeting Email

"I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting, but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. Having taken advice I wish to say the following: Ple...
64 points

The Words Every Man Dreads

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head an...
56 points

Nick the Dragon Slayer Learns A Valuable Lesson

Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts. Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them. One day...
67 points

Cat Haiku

You never feed me. Perhaps I'll sleep on your face. That will sure show you. You must scratch me there! Yes, above my tail! Behold, elevator butt. The rule for today: Touch my tail, I shred your ...
64 points

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