Ali G interview with Madonna
Subject: Ali G interview with Madonna!!!
Ali: Selecta!! I is ere wiv none uver dan da Queenie Mum of pop muzic,
Madonna. Check it!!
Ali: So Madge, is you really preggers or as you just got a
spare tyre up your jumper?
M: No, I am five months pregnant, Ali.
Ali: Wicked. So you ain't bin frough da menaplaws yet den?
M: No, I thought I'd better have another baby before my time ran out,so to speak.
Ali: Aiiih, fer real. An who is da dad? Does you even know who da dad is?
M: Of course I know who the father is. It's my boyfriend,
Ali: An is e related to dat geezer who make all da fireworks for bonfire night?
M: No, he's a film director. He directed 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels'.
Ali: Wow, dat is a wicked film. Did you know dat Vinnie Jones once grabbed Gazza's balls an squeezed em till Gazza started cryin. Dat was bad, man. Respec to Vinnie, but if e did dat to me I'd knock im spark out wiv da one inch punch.
M: I've met Vinnie and he is a very nice guy actually.
Ali: Whatever. Anyways, you is known as da Immaterial Girl. Is dat cos your talent is immaterial compared to your ability to get your kit off?
M: Actually Ali, I am sometimes referred to as the
Ali: But dat is a bit stupid, innit? Every time I sees
you, you ain't even wearing any material. You is usually
stark bollock naked, if you ekscuse me french.
M: That's not true. I did write a book called 'SEX' a
while ago and appeared nude in several photos, but that was
more artistic than pornographic.
Ali: Aiiih, me mate Dave borrowed me dat book an you was
showing your punnani on nearly every page. Well, all da
pages dat were stuck togever after me mate Dave kept
spillin is coffee on dem. Well, dat is what e told me, but
I fink e was usin it to crack one off, if you know what I
M: I think I know what you mean Ali. Boys will be boys.
Ali: Fer real, an you don't mind im crackin one off all
M: No, not at all. I'm quite flattered actually.
Ali: You wouldn't be sayin dat if you saw Dave. E is
mingin. Anyway,in one a dem pictures you is gettin it from
behind by dat Vanilla Ice. Me mate Dave reckoned you was
takin it up da ass, but me Julie says dat you is too classy
M: I wasn't taking it in either orifice.
Ali: Why's dat? Couldn't da Ice Ice Baby get it up? Cos I
erd e is batty boy.
M: No, it was just a photograph. Nothing was going on. It
was a book about fantasies, that's all.
Ali: Aiiih. But as you ever takin it up da Gary Glitter?
Or is dat a personal question?
M: I have had all kinds of sex in my time, Ali. I've tried
everything, including anal sex.
Ali: Wicked. Now me Julie ain't got no excuses. Next time
she says no, I'll tell er if it's good enuff for Madonna,
it's good enuff for a bitch from East Staines.
M: You shouldn't force someone into doing it Ali.
Ali: No, me just slide it in an pretend it was an
M: No, Ali.
Ali: Anyway, what about dat Naomi Campbell? Did you really
av a lez up wiv er while Big Daddy Kane was watchin? Cos
dat is eksactly da fing I wants me Julie to do. She can get
jiggy wiv one of er mates from da airdressers, maybe Becky
or dat Sally bitch, an all I is askin is to watch. Den
maybe join in when dey is gaggin for a cock.
M: I've heard that is a fantasy for most men. That is why
I put it in the book.
Ali: Fer real. So I ain't a pervert den, like me Julie
keeps tellin me.
M: No, not at all.
Ali: Fer real. I is in for a treat tonight. A freesome, an
up da batty for Julie when me gets home.
M: Only if she wants to Ali.
Ali: Whatever. Was you really a virgin when you sang dat
'Like A Virgin'?
M: No. It wasn't literally about being a virgin. It was a
metaphor for how someone can make you feel when they touch
Ali: On da punnani?
M: No, anywhere.
Ali: Me know what you is sayin. Me Julie said she
was a virgin da first time I shagged er in da changin
rooms of da John Nike Leisure Centre. But den I shagged er
again a few momphs later after da all-night drum'n'bass
party an she told me she was a virgin den too. I fink she
was lyin da second time.
M: I think she might have been lying the first time as
Ali: Is you sayin me Julie as been wiv someone else?
Ali: Dat is it. I is dumpin er. I ain't goin wiv no
slapper. Anyway, I erd dat is you knockin on fifty. Ain't
you fought about retirin? Surely you as got enuff squid in
M: Actually, I'm only in my early forties. And I will
never retire, even after I have my second child. I love
work too much.
Ali: Den you is mad. If I ad as much squid as you
I'd just sit back an chill wiv da biggest spliff in da
world an listen to speed garage all day. Now I know why you
is called MADonna, cos you is MAD.Anyway, fank you
M: Why, thank you Ali. And would you like to be in my new
Ali: Aiiih, wicked. As long as dere ain't no batty boys in
it like dat Rupert Everest. Dis time you can bounce on a
real man's lap, if you know what I is sayin. Respec. So, to
all you bitches out dere. If your boyfriend aks you to take
it up da ass or av a freesome e is not a pervert. Me main
girl Madonna ere says it's cool.