You Are What You Drink !

120 points


Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella:
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Mixed drinks (no umbrellas e.g.; Scotch and soda or gin and tonic)
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious vat-en-sit.
Approach: Don't

Wine (bottled, not 4 litre cask):
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers, Smirnoff Ice, etc:
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has absolutely no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.

Cape Velvet:
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.):
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait...


He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

Cheap Beer:
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.

Premium Beer:
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer:
He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

The man is a beer-monster and will get laid one way or another.

He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid.

He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

Vodka or Brandy:
Extremely horny hound, would s**g a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

He doesn't give two s..t about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

Jack Daniels:
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

Rum or Tequila:
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers, Smirnoff Ice, etc:
He's gay ....(blatantly)

Sign in to continue

Stay tuned with Kontraband

What's happening now:


Get the Kontraband App:

Follow us on Facebook: