A 95 year old man is given a jar to provide a sperm specimen for analysis at hospital.
He turns up 2 days later with an empty jar.
The nurse asks, "Why?"
He replies, "Sorry, but I tried with my right hand, then my left!
Then my wife tried with both hands! Then with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with them out.
Then we got Ethel next door to try with her hands, then she tried with her mouth.
But it was no good, we just couldnt get the f#cking lid off!!!"