Stuff Women Really Need To Know About Men
Ok ladies, this is for you. Some of you just donât know what itâs like to be a man, or know what a man wants. Now, while I admit weâre not as mysterious as women, thereâs still some things you need to know. Your man may just be too scared to tell you,
1: If youâre cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
2: When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.
a: Unless the answer is yes.
b: In which case, can he videotape it?
3: Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. Seriously.
4: Donât make him hold your purse in the mall. It does something to our manhood.
5: Shopping is not fascinating. Ever.
6: It is only common courtesy to leave the toilet seat up when youâre done.
7: If you really want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
8: The man is always in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
9: Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.
10: Donât hog the covers. Really.
11: If he has to sit through âLegends of the Fallâ, you have to sit through âShowgirlsâ
12: âFine.â is not an acceptible way to end an argument.
13: Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
14: If you truly want honesty, donât ask questions you donât really want the answer to.
15: Of course he wants another beer.
16: The guy doesnât always have to sleep on the wet spot.
17: Dogs good. Cats bad. Grrrrrrrâ¦.
18: He does not want to be just friends.
19: Do not question a manâs innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.
20: He was not looking at that other girl.
a: Well, okayâ¦ maybe a little.
b: Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guyâ¦
21: He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met and all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
22: Your (select appropriate item) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
23: If you want a satisfying sex life, you will never fake an orgasm. Ever.
24: Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.
25: It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him.
26: Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.
27: Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Did I meantion Love it?
28: Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie: Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
29: Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
30: He heard you the first time. Honest.
31: You know, you can ask him out tooâ¦ Letâs spread the rejection around a little.
32: Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
33: Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one youâre with.
34: Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.
35: His (fill in appropriate selections) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
36: Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the halftime show to act upon thatâ¦
37: A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: âYou know, why donât we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?â