Tom Cruise Interviewed By Jesus

156 points

'I'm passionate about life'
Actor Tom Cruise talks with 'Today' host Jesus Christ about his new love, new movie and his recent controversial

The past few weeks have been full of excitement for Tom Cruise. 'Today' host Jesus Christ sat down with the actor and talked about his new love, his new movie, “War of the Worlds,” and the recent firestorm he caused when he commented on Brooke Shield’s use of therapy and drugs to cure her postpartum depression.

Jesus Christ: Anything at all interesting happening in your life these days? And remember Tom. I’ll know if you’re lying.

Tom Cruise: Well, you know.

Jesus Christ: I do know.

Tom Cruise: It’s been the same old, same old.

Christ: How are you handling this? I mean every magazine, every newspaper, and every entertainment show. What's it like for you to be living through this right now? I mean you’re more popular than I am right now.

Cruise: I have to tell you. It's just a great time in my life. I'm really happy. And, you know, I'm engaged. I'm going to be married. I can't restrain myself.

Christ: It's like you've got two little cords on your mouth and you can't stop smiling. I was thinking about it. I used to be the same way until the crucifixion.

Cruise: You know, I just do what I do. I love making movies. And I feel privileged to be able to do that, always. And it's something that — I'm just living my life, you know.

Christ: We’ll talk about life in a second. Let's talk about the movie, though. Okay, “War of the Worlds.” I mean, I've always been fascinated by this whole concept, after all it was my idea to begin with. The "we are not alone in a big way," concept. After all, who would know more than he who is without sin?

Cruise: I remember, I was a kid. And I heard about the Orson Wells radio play. It was my first exposure to this story.

Christ: This is not just an alien movie. The story breaks down on a lot of different levels. And on one of the levels, your character is a father? I have a Father and a Holy Ghost.

Cruise: Mm-hmm.

Christ: Not the best father in the world?

Cruise: Mm-hmm. Like you. Your Dad sent you down here and look what happened.

Christ: Yeah. He totally dropped the ball there.

Christ: Tell me how that plays into this whole scenario.

Cruise: When we were working on this story three years ago, [director] Steven [Spielberg] and I came up with this idea of making it about a family. And so now, he is forced in these circumstances to rise to the occasion. Will he rise to the occasion? And I just think it's very human. I think the — you know, you're a father.

Christ: Sure.

Cruise: I'm a father, you know. I always wanted to be a father. Remember when you first held your child? It's like wow, tremendous sense of responsibility.

Christ: Life-changing.

Cruise: Yeah. And we talk about it. But not until you experience it can you really know it. We wanted to imbue the story with that journey.

Christ: Is this a scary movie in the traditional sense of Hollywood scary?

Cruise: I think its Spielbergian scary.

Christ: Is that a word or shall I create it for you right now?

Cruise: It now is. I think, you know, after all, I’m Tom Cruise.

Christ: Let’s talk about selling this movie. You've just toured around the world, getting the story of “War of the Worlds” out there. And at the same time, you've got this great thing happening in your personal life that has become the subject of so many headlines and stories.

Cruise: Really?

Christ: Yeah.

Cruise: Are you serious?

Christ: No. Made that up, after all I’m Jesus Christ. Is there any fear in your part that what happens personally overshadows the movie?

Cruise: Nah, it never does.

Christ: Has it helped the movie?

Cruise: I don't know. You know what? It comes down to the movie. It always comes down to the movie.

Christ: I know a little something about cynics. So, when you hear the cynics, Mr. Cruise, and you've heard 'em, who say, "This is publicity for a movie, this relationship," or "This is Tom Cruise in his 40s trying to become or stay relevant for a younger audience, and that's why he's out there talking about this relationship with this lovely young lady,” who happens to be sitting right over there. How do you respond to that?

Cruise: You know what? There are always cynics. There always has been. There always will be.

Christ: You laugh about it, or does it just bug you? Don’t get me started about cynics, I hate those cynics! And I’m Jesus!

Cruise: No. I have never worried, Jesus, about what other people think and what other people say.

Christ: Katie, close your ears for a second, okay?

Cruise: And if she doesn’t……?

Christ: I’ll close them for her! You have said that Katie is the real thing. She is sensational, she is magnificent. Can you explain to me what she's brought to your life that hasn't been brought to your life in the past?

Cruise: I don't want to compare things. I just say—

Christ: She has a great ass. I know because I made it. So I know.

Cruise: No, no, no. Because, you know, it — but what it is, it's that thing where you just — in life, when it just happens, Jesus. You know? It just — you meet someone. And it's — I can't even describe it and she also has a great ass.

Christ: Katie has mentioned that she is embracing, or at least exposing herself and opening herself up to, Scientology. You, your going to hell and if she converts she is going with you?

Cruise: You know, Scientology is something that you don't understand. It's like, you could be a Christian and be a Scientologist, okay. Scientology is something—

Christ: So, it doesn't replace religion. It doesn’t sound Kosher to me.

Cruise: It is a religion. Because it's dealing with the spirit. You as a spiritual being. It gives you tools you can use to apply to your life.

Christ: Like I said, you’re on the express train to hell. And as far as the Brooke Shields thing…?

Cruise: Jesus, you have to understand this. Here we are today, where I talk out against drugs and psychiatric abuses of electric shocking people, okay, against their will, of drugging children with them not knowing the effects of these drugs. Do you know what adderall is? Do you know Ritalin? Do you know now that Ritalin is a street drug? Do you understand that? Well do you?

Christ: Don’t let he who is without sin kick your ass Tom.

Cruise: No, no, Jesus.

Christ: This wasn't against her will!

Cruise: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus —

Christ: Don’t use my name in vain!

Cruise: Jesus, I'm asking you a question.

Christ: I understand there's abuse of all of these things.

Cruise: No, you see. Here's the problem. You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do.

Christ: Really? You know I created the world. I think I know something about psychiatry. But let’s pretend I’m as dense as Paris Hilton. Aren't there examples, and might not Brooke Shields be an example, of someone who benefited from one of those drugs?

Cruise: All it does is mask the problem, Jesus. And if you understand the history of it, it masks the problem. That's what it does. That's all it does. You're not getting to the reason why. There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance.

Christ: So, postpartum depression to you is kind of a little psychological gobbledygook?

Cruise: No. I did not say that.

Christ: I'm just asking what you, what would you call it?

Cruise: No. No. Jesus, now you're talking about two different things.

Christ: But that's what she went on the antidepressant for. But a little bit of what you're saying Tom is, you say you want people to do well. But you want them do to well by taking the road that you approve of, as opposed to a road that may work for them.

Cruise: No, no, I'm not.

Christ: Well, if antidepressants work for Brooke Shields, why isn't that okay?

Cruise: I disagree with it. And I think that there's a higher and better quality of life.

Cruise: Higher than I?

Christ: I think that, promoting — for me personally, see, you're saying what, I can't discuss what I wanna discuss?

Christ: No. You absolutely can.

Cruise: I know Jesus, you're going in and saying that, that I can't discuss this.

Christ: But my producers are telling me it’s time for a commercial break. So we’re going to have to wait until next time Tom.

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