Beckhamisms

137 points

POSH and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the six o'clock news.
The main story is a man threatening to jump off the Clifton Suspension Bridge on to the busy road below.

Posh turns to Becks and says: "David, I bet you £5,000 that he jumps!" to which Beckham replies " £5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't."

So they shake hands on the bet and continue watching. Sure enough, the man
jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud.
Beckham takes £5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh. But
she refuses.
"I can't take your money, David," she says. "The truth is, I was cheating.
I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump."

"No, babe," says David. "That money is yours fair and square. I was cheating just as you were. I saw the five o'clock news too. I just
didn't think he would do it again."

THE Manchester United players are in the dressing room on Saturday,just before the game, when Roy Keane walks in.
"Boss," he says, "there's a problem. I'm not playing unless I get a cortisone injection."
"Hey," says Becks. "If he's having a new car, so am I."

DAVID Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the kitchen department of a large department store.
"What's that?" he asks.
"A Thermos flask," replies the assistant.
"What does it do?" asks Becks.
The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.
Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next training
session.
"Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly.
"It's a Thermos flask." The lads are impressed.
"What does it do?" they ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things >cold," says David.
"And what have you got in it?" asks Roy Keane.
"Two cups of coffee and a choc ice," replies David.

POSH takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed.
The mechanic, knowing she isn't the brightest Spice Girl in the world, decides to play a joke on her.
"You don't need me to take those dents out," he says.
"Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop back into place."
So she takes the car home and tries it.
David spots her from the house, opens a window and shouts: "You daft girl! You have to wind the windows up first!"

DAVID Beckham is celebrating: "57 days, 57 days!" he shouts happily.
Posh asks him why he is celebrating.
He answers: "Well, I've done this jigsaw in only 57 days."
Is that good?" asks Posh.
"You bet," says David. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."

DAVID Beckham had a near-death experience the other day when he went riding.
Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking up and down out of control.
He tried with all his might to hang on but it was no good.
With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell head-first to the ground.
His head continued to bump on the ground as the horse refused to stop or even slow down.
Fortunately, however, there was a happy ending.
Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Woolworths'
manager came along and unplugged it.

POSH and Becks are travelling back from Heathrow Airport to Central London.
"Where have you been?" asks the cabbie.
"New York," says Beckham.
"We saw a show and did some shopping." "Did you have any nice meals?" asks
the cabbie.
"Yes, one really great one."
"What was the name of the restaurant?" asks the cabbie.
"Dunno. I can't remember. Name some big railway stations in London,"
says Beckham.
The cabbie begins: "Waterloo, Paddington, Victoria .."
Beckham interrupts excitedly: "That's it! Victoria, what was the name of that restaurant we went to?"

Q: What do you do if David Beckham throws a pin at you?
A: Run for your life ... he's got a grenade in his mouth.

>Q: What would David Beckham's name be if he were a Spice Girl?
A: Waste of Spice.

Q: What would England achieve with 11 David Beckhams?
A: An average IQ.

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