What Your Names Really Mean

484 points

The Men's Names

Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.

Able - totally useless.

Adam - not very bright and not very pretty, has almost mastered hygiene.

Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.

Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.

Alex - cute and tall but a liar and a cheat.

Alistair - likes being tied up, and really enjoys playing with train sets

Amir - dirty, smelly, pecker is minuscule. Bad diet.

Andrew - Highly intelligent and wears a kilt. Poor standards of hygiene. Homicidal tendencies.

Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain. Looks in the mirror too much.

Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of wee.

Arnold - loser.

Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate.

Avenir - reads too many fantasy books, wears armour to bed.

Baron - Reads SAS books, wants to go out and shoot something or somebody.

Barry - lights fires, pinches girl's bottoms and is well hung.

Barnaby - very big, very strong and very gentle, cries a lot.

Ben - funny and can be real difficult to beat at games.

Bill - thinks he's really popular, thinks all the girls want him ...he's wrong.

Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands.

Brad - short and squat, has bad breath.

Braden - Drop out and doesn't care, will set record for longest employee at McDonalds.

Brandon - good looking but uses girls. Not very academic.

Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.

Brett - worldwide slut and really insensitive, women love him.

Brian - mean and only thinks of himself, he's just a very naughty boy.

Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell.

Bronsen - annoying and never grows up - has a stupid name.

Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce.

Bryce - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you'll kill him within a week.

Callum - tall and geeky, very defensive.

Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.

Cameron - Australian. Big muscles.

Carl - horny. bastard, who can't sing.

Carlo - dark and brooding, for some unknown reason girls seem to like him!

Carson - fun to be around and really sensitive.

Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies, no real person has that name.

Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together.

Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.

Christian - Gay but very sexy and seductive.

Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with 'jailbait'.

Cliff - very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial.

Clive - trainspotter ... dull as ditchwater.

Cole - nice, funny, and very stupid.

Colin - lies to women and blows up public buildings.

Cory - funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines.

Craig - tries to fit in - he never does.

Crispin - Ugly homosexual. Fancies himself. Successful

Curtis - needs constant mothering and reassurance.

Damien - spawn of the devil, but in a good way.

Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way.

Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.

Danny - Wears stylish clothes and has silky womens underwear beneath them.

Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.

Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.

Darren - charming , but sleeps with men.

Darwyn - exercises too much, favourite word Ug Daryl - pompous and overbearing, likes using big words that only he understands.

David - Sensible and works out a lot, loves girls named Florence.

Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter i.e. a wanker.

Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.

Dele - well endowed likes blondes. Looks in the mirror too much

Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot.

Derek - has a great sense of humour, and a blow-up doll collection.

Dillon - Stupid but well-built, women just use him for sex.

Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please anybody.

Don - dickhead, nobody likes him.

Doug - has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts.

Drew - bad-arse loser who never shuts up.

Duncan - hopeless ski bum, brains shot away long ago.

Dylan - thinks he's funny, falls asleep during sex.

Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.

Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get cos he's an arsehole.

Elis - would rather make model airoplanes than have sex.

Elliott - full of himself.

Eric - shy and timid like a little mouse.

Evan - a little slow but sweet, sexy, and a model mental patient.

Finn - Completely indecisive, suffers terribly with Catholic guilt.

Frank - single helix DNA and it shows.

Fraser - sucks pigs dicks & swallows the lot.

Frederick/Fred/Freddie - wants to rule the world. Loves women

Fritz - Loves playing games. Never wins.

Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight. Can't play rugby.

Gary - drug addict but willing to share.

Garry - forever fiddling with himself and wonders why no-one will shake hands.

Gavin - likes bondage, S&M with other men.

Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace.

George - barman who drinks more than he serves.

Gerry - quiet and insecure, a doormat.

Gilbert - Morris dancer, collects antique sweet wrappers.

Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth. good teacher. crap in bed.

Gordon - big bloke in a dirty raincoat, kinda flashy.

Greame - very hard to understand, likes group sex.

Graham - will screw anything.

Grahame - thinks he's better than other Grahams because he has an extra 'e'.

Grant - Short and ugly! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.

Greg - really sweet and feels suicidally sorry for himself.

Harry - Good at sport. Women love him. Blokes hate him.

Harvey - cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs.

Haydn - tries hard, succeds rarely.

Heinz - Likes variety in his life. in his fifties. Overweight.

Henry - dull, dull, dull, dull ... likes trains and tweed jackets, probably a science teacher.

Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography.

Howell - sings too much.

Ian - likes to stuff animals and dress up in women's clothing.

Ivor - militant psychopath with homosexual tendencies.

Izzy - circumsized, but they threw away the wrong bit.

Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.

Jamie - Devious scum of the earth.

James - can't handle his beer, smells of mayonaise and does wet farts.

Jarrod - Arrogant, stuck-up, pompous and annoying. Loves himself totally and has lots of mirrors.

Jason - Gayer than a pink fairy winning a trophy at the gayest pink fairy competition.

Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well. which is a problem because he has bad breath.

Jeff - really ugly.

Jerome - gay, but very unhappy.

Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is.

Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on.

Jack - stupid but hot, always alright.

Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection but wanks too much.

Jimmy - Goes to the toilet twice a night, doesn't always get up for it.

Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head. Bisexual

Joel - arse.

John - has few friends and no life - tends to kill small animals.

Jon - Not too bright will end up married to a cousin.

Jolyon - absolute raving homosexual.

Jonathon - think he's good - he's shit. Looks in the mirrror too much.

Jordan - sexy but weird in bed. Hung like a wildebeest.

Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.

Josh - full of himself, fun.

Julian - used to be a wooden boy, but is now almost real with a big nose.

Junior - Not very clever, but good at football.

Justin - aggravating but lovable, insecure but successful and overweight.

Kain - one of the sexiest guys alive but very stuck up.

Keegan - always has a bit of his last meal displayed on his clothes.

Kev - lager lout, wears cheap and loud clothes.

Kevin - always attracts really fit girlfriends and then loses them when they see his dick!

Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.

Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be.

Kerry - wants to be in a boy band but he's not pretty enough.

Kirk - good looking, worries that he might be gay.

Kurt - can kick anyone's arse.

Kyle - hornball who eats too many cornchips.

Larry - cute but wannabe player with big arse.

Laurey - short and funny looking.

Lee - girl dressed up as a boy, total arse bandit.

Levi - same as Lee only not so pretty.

Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser. Welsh

Liam - loud mouthed arsehole.

Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold.

Lucas - fat loser that dates other men.

Luke - seems to be sweet.

Madison - so far up his own arse there's no room for his boyfriend.

Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his trousers. And is gay!!!

Mark - Good looking and very clever. Every woman would if she could.

Marshall - Never seems to age, this is because he is in fact an anderoid!

Martin - Stud. Loves himself. would make a good lawyer.

Matt - the fat boy of the class, likes sweets and is full of shit.

Matty - Life and soul of the party, could get a corpse dancing.

Menno - built like a horse. Only does it doggy.

Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl. Doesn't like to work too hard. Sexual deviant

Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.

Mintesh - boy racer, the arsehole who drives with the stereo too loud and the windows down even though it's cold!

Mitchell - big bloke, sweats a lot, usually pure alcohol.

Mohammed - small penis, but still really enjoys playing with it.

Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.

Nick - inbred - can't get past the missionary position though.

Neil - sweet and will do anything in this world for you, great in bed but only on his own.

Noel - only goes out with girls so that he can steal their clothes.

Oliver - likes men but is in denial.

Oscar - complete loser, hated by his parents.

Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.

Patrick - drunk, drunk, drunk.

Paul - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in gays.

Peter - Likes sheep more than girls, will probably end up married to a relative.

Phillip - homophobic, image conscious twat, likes to fuck poodles.

Ramsey - thinks he's posh but is actually a knob.

Raymond - doesn't like to be called Ray because it sounds too 'straight'.

Richard - can't see his feet as balls are too big

Ricky - ugly shithead who everybody hates.

Rikki - see above, but can't even spell.

Rob - constantly watches porn.

Robin - Ugly and not very bright, probably a teacher.

Roger - acts like a wanker when drunk ... Permanently drunk!

Rory - men are only nice to him so they can talk to his sister.

Roy - total loser and computer genius.

Rupert - arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.

Russell - likes to play in the leaves which makes him an arsehole. Pantomime dame

Ryan - short and stout, but popular.

Sam - wannabe sex machine.

Sandeep - complete anorak, owns a metal detector.

Sean - thinks he's James Bond, in reality a dipstick.

Scott - has serious disabilities. likes winter sports

Sean - has small deformed testicles and no friends.

Seth - so sweet to other people but is a traitor.

Shane - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.

Shannon - like the, river wet and full of shit.

Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.

Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Talks bollocks.

Sonny - thinks he's tough and proves it with young girls and boys.

Spencer - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he's a virgin

Steve - popular and funny when looked at side-on.

Stuart - loves it right up there, normally with a toilet roll and a hamster

Taylor - Gay, gay, gay, gay ....

Terry - small and wirey with a nasty temper.

Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.

Toby - best blow ever.

Tom - cool but can be very arrogant.

Tomas - part-druid, likes to dance round things naked.

Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around. tendency to megalomania

Travis - fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found.

Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.

Troy - cute and popular.

Tyrone - Big bloke with a gay moustache, but nobody dares tell him.

Ty - small and kind of shrivelled.

Var - adventurous type, can't sit quietly and so is very annoying.

Wade - huge bloke, people jog round him and have to stop halfway for a rest.

Walter - Rich, but with no taste in anything, so the money is a bit of a waste.

Wasim - Good at sport. Likes bondage. Intelligent.

Warren - cool, homosexual guy. Picks his nose alot.

Wesley - great guy and easy to notice. hung like an elephant. An animal in bed - Chicks love him.

Will - wishes he were popular.

William - not very tall, but ultra-cool.

Zach - sweet and polite and twisted.

Zahid - devious and sly. Not to be trusted.*

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The Women's Names

Abby - agony aunt, always willing to explain about your confused sexuallity.

Ada - blue haired, smells of wee.

Adie - quiet and shy, but when you get to know her .. quiet and shy.

Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs.

Alana - pretty and popular, but with very dark secrets.

Alexandra - popular but very loud, sometimes forgets to bathe.

Alice - likes horses but looks like Kermit's girlfriend.

Alicia - pretty and knows it, watches herself go by in shop windows.

Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.

Alyssa - wants to be 'exotic', but only manages to be 'strange'.

Amanda - I.Q. smaller than her bra size, a good shag, but she does practice a lot.

Amber - stereotypical exotic dancer, not too bright but very flexible.

Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted. Likes any man not wearing trousers

Anastasia - overly-loud, wears clothes 2 sizes too small.

Andrea - Small breasts, small arse, drinks pints and plays a mean game of pool.

Andrina - dark and sultry, pretends she's a Russian spy.

Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually found hanging around toilets.

Anita - Beautiful girl with perfect hair and a body to die for.

Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers.

Annette - She's BIG, like really BIG!!.

Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive.

Anne-Marie - Gorgeous and with a great taste in blokes, has perfectly

formed breasts Annie - Drinks too much, always wakes up next to ugly guys.

Ashlee - Dyslexic and spends all day thinking about secs.

Aurora - Beautiful and sexy, every mans dream ,but sadly swings the other way.

Azaria - Beautiful and exotic with the brain power of an orchid.

Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance. Wears alot of make up

Bea - Beautiful, sexy, original, but nearly impossible to satisfy in bed.

Becky - one of the boys, knows about football and cars, unusually tall.

Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.

Beryl - Repressed alcoholic.

Beth - Empty headed, big breasted, and easy.

Bettina - Dominatrix.

Beverley - Trapped in an eighties timewarp.

Bianca - Ginger. big mouth.

Birgit - big scarey woman, likes small blokes she can intimidate.

Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.

Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society.

Cait - Bow-legged country girl, really loves her horses.

Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.

Cara - lazy girl, eats too much junk-food and yet doesn't get fat - annoying.

Carie - just like the movie, a scary freak.

Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow.

Carla - Down to earth with good child-bearing hips.

Carly - Party animal until she gets too drunk to stand up.

Carol - Bubbly, life and soul of the party and the bedroom.

Caroline - Lard arse, shaves her ears, picks her nose and shops at oxfam.

Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.

Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.

Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.

Chaz - life and soul of the party, plays the piano and then strips to her own music.

Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.

Chloe - Usually a weather-girl or a failed wannabe weather-girl.

Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm.

Christina - Drop dead gorgeous and with a different bloke each night, well practiced.

Ciji - strange girl, sleeps with a vibrating teddy-bear.

Claire/Clare/Clair - Usually neurotic, gives good head but can have lesbian tendencies.

Courtney - Bit of a 'tomboy', rolls her own tampons.

Daisy - Virgin, works on a farm because she likes the way the tractor vibrates.

Danni - Should make nice threesome with sibling.

Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.

Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips.

Debra/Debby - Porn star.

Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands.

Dee - Enormous mouth, gets a lot of work in porn movies.

DeeDee - cannot understand why no-one else masturbates in Ikea.

Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up.

Di - Enjoys receiving oral sex, but doesn't like giving it.

Diana - Cuddly, which is a shame because she smells like cheese.

Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle.

Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.

Dorthe - smells of herrings, obsessed with over-sized sex toys.

Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths. average breasts.. likes sharp edges.

Eleanor - Very posh, always washing her hands, but likes her sex dirty.

Elizabeth - Born to perform, hates chickens.

Ella - Fiery temper, but when she's not shouting she's as cute as a kitten.

Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth.

Ellen - Could well have eaten all the pies.

Elma - Shy, easily dominated by men.

Elsa - Kind of old fashioned, but with beautiful big hair.

Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.

Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!

Erminia - Small and graceful, slightly psychotic.

Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass.

Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.

Eve - Shy timid creature until she has a drink, then she becomes very loud.

Evonne - Much happier now that the sex change operation was a success.

Faith - Legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up.

Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim.

Felicity - One of the boys .. except that she has the most enormous nipples.

Fern - Posh with a large mouth, can hold a conversation whilst giving head.

Fiona - Female mud wrestler, badly needs a shave.

Fiyza - Very sexy, she knows it and she flaunts it

Francess - A lovely lady even if she is as common as muck!

Frankie - Wears leather underwear, if it's quiet you can hear her buzzing.

Gabriel - An arse to die for but pads her bra with tissues.

Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.

Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks shite all day.

Gaynor - Wanna-be Lesbian who can't pull the girls.

Gemma - Talks too much, even during sex, even during oral sex!

Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying.

Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.

Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies.

Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking.

Georgia - Loves her cakes, would rather have gateau than sex.

Georgina - Wants to be a man.

Grace - petite and pretty, fucks like a rabbit.

Grainne - Giggles excessively, sometimes wets herself.

Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath.

Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.

Harriet - Wears tweed and green wellies to the pub.

Hayley - Pretty, likes fast cars and slow men.

Heather - Shags like a freight train, bit of a screamer.

Helen - Hangs around with the wrong rowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn and is totally neurotic.

Helena - Likes to be in charge, wears a lot of black rubber.

Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins, hates Nazis.

Hilary - Frigid.

Holly - Prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.

Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.

Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.

Isobel - Motorbike gang leader, sells guns for pocket money.

Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child.

Jade - I once had a Jade, but hasn't everybody??

Jalaine - Strange, introverted girl, secretly into plastic model aeroplanes.

Janet - Massive over bite, no neck.

Jane - She's hot and she knows it, a prick-teaser.

Janice - Loud and over-the-top, tends to talk with her hands.

Jarla - Kinda like a female Ali-G only not as funny.

Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.

Jean - hangs around with old blokes and let's them buy her stuff.

Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up.

Jenni - bone idle hence the tendency to shorten long words.

Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often, flashes her minge a lot.

Jessica - Always shags on the first date and sometimes even before it.

Joanna - Moans in her sleep, moans when she wakes up, can't cook.

Jo - Bisexual and proud of it.

Joelle - Lively, exciting, jolly and fun ... sometimes too much so!

Josephine - Likes to be tied up and teased.

Jody - Dresses like a boy and eats live frogs for breakfast.

Joyce - Never stops talking ... for God's sake shut up woman!

Judith - Big eyes, big tits, big problem with ballance.

Judy - Huge tits, married to a retard.

Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes

Juliet - Eats too many chips, has greasy hair and a hairy arse.

Justine - Massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets.

Julie - Likes outdoor sex, preferably with a chance of getting caught.

Kacie - cute and adorable, but prone to sulking.

Karen - Huge tits, shags like a rabbit.

Kate - kisses with her tongue and can hold a conversation whilst doing it.

Katherine - old-fashioned girl, giggles when anyone mentions naughty words.

Katy - Tom boy, likes her sex dirty, usually outdoors.

Katie - likes blokes and team sports, preferably both together.

Kayleigh - The Lara Croft of Essex, great in bed (practice makes perfect)

Kay - Big boobs and frizzy hair, a bit mental.

Keira - person most likely to start a cult, related to Starlin.

Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.

Kelley - not very bright, can't spell Kelly.

Kelsey - Very clever, wears glasses, boys scare her.

Kerran - tries to be mysterious, but everyone has been there.

Kerry - pretty, cute, and changes underwear once a week.

Kiersten - very sexy to look at, hard to please in bed.

Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke, wears a wig.

Kirsty - Eats live moles, can't dance.

Krista - Cool and pretty, tends to daydream all day and sleepwalk all night.

Kristy - Shy until she gets drunk, prone to spots.

Kristen - Emotionally stunted, thinks Robot-Wars is cruel and should be banned.

Kylie - Can't sing but who cares ... lovely arse.

Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.

Lara - Action packed, never seen naked.

Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can't drive. Dominatrix

Lauren - Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.

Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.

Leanne - eats a lot of raw meat, most guys are scared of her.

Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.

Leonie - Tall girl who likes short boys, it's a power thing.

Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men.

Leyla - Hot and horny, the girl that always will.

Lily - Makes a good friend, doesn't take crap from anyone.

Linda - Teenage bride can swallow oranges whole.

Lindsey - Likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.

Lisa - Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.

Liz - Long legged and brainy.

Lizbeth - Sensible and serious, can talk without moving her lips.

Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies

Lorrie - Named after the vehicle she weighs the same as.

Louise/a - Likes to get around, tart

Luci - cute and loveable

Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.

Lynn - Funny and sexy, everything a bloke wants in a woman.

Lynnette - Has the attention span of a budgerigar, likes pretty things.

Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.

Madusa - Really likes men, preferrably grilled with a side salad.

Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid.

Mairi - Quiet and shy but incredibly clever, secretly planning to take over the world.

Mandy - Cute and cuddly, thick as a short plank.

Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous.

Maria - Bangs like a barn door.

Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY.

Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear.

Marion - stuffs her bra with tissue, a bit cross-eyed.

Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.

Martina - Ugly lesbian.

Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice tits.

Mary - Likes men with long tongues and talented fingers.

Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.

Mavis - seems nice until you notice the black cat, broomstick and pointed hat.

Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S.

Meghan - Cold, hard-hearted bitch, enjoys upsetting little children.

Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely.

Melinda - Trailer trash ... pretty, plump, and infected.

Melissa - Eats dogs, has been in prison 6 times for burglary.

Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise.

Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them.

Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag.

Marsha - Big butt, small brain.

Molly - Pretty and naive, would like to be slimmer, wears clothes with too many flowers.

Monica - Doesn't swallow, should have.

Nadine - Stunt Lady, can drink any bloke under the table! Don't mess with her.

Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver.

Nancy - White hair, remembers tanners.

Narelle - Likes dressing up as a French maid but not French.

Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.

Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.

Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.

Niamh - Quiet and cute, secretly wears mens under-wear.

Nicci - Pretty, blonde, nicely dressed and vacant.

Nichola - quiet, studious type, wears glasses, a tiger in bed.

Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial.

Nicole - small sweet and with nice hair, should wear underwear more often.

Niki - wannabe mysterious spy but not bright enough.

Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.

Nissa - speach impediment causes her to hiss, fond of reptiles.

Olga - You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair.

Olive - usually accompanied by a couple of people in white coats.

Olivia - Gorgeous and knows it, has to sew herself into her trousers..

Olwyn - stupid name, welsh, just unlucky I guess.

Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic.

Patricia - Obsessive about appearances, yet denies that she's shallow.

Pat - short and common, one of the lads and a bit of a laff.

Paula - Transvestite merchant banker from Basildon.

Peggy - Wears outdated clothes and will only do missionary position.

Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes her men to be stiff.

Peta - Rough and tough, seriously into bondage.

Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar.

Phyliss - Thinks sex is dirty, always washing her hands.

Polly - nice girl with really bad dress-sense, fashion disaster, it's a shame.

Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.

Preya - can't cook or clean but good in bed.

Prudence - sensible girl, wears flat shoes, but will shag anything in trousers.

Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arsecheeks.

Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.

Rebekah - Not very bright, pretty, but sometimes forgets to bathe.

Renee - Huge breasts, but wishes blokes would notice her mind.

Romany - Wild and beautiful, swings both ways.

Rosalind - Upper-class lady but works as a secret agent when the government needs her.

Rose - Can be prickly, gives good head.

Rosemary - Very shy, nearly always seen with a bright red face.

Roz - Only enjoys sex when she's tied up and spanked first.

Rula - She measures up well.

Ruth - Has stretch marks around her mouth.

Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up.

Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.

Samantha - Loves hate relationship with her brother, a wild child, seeking multiple orgasms

Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged.

Sara - Air-head, with a gorgeous body to compensate.

Sarah - intelligent, funny and very talented when it comes to the naughty stuff.

Sarah-Jane - 'posh' girl, will screw anything in a BMW.

Sasha - Looks dreadful the morning after. Smokes cigars

Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills.

Shannon - Beautiful, curvaceous, should be a model.

Sharon - The original bitch queen, uses everyone she meets.

Shauna - Lives in a trailer, has 16 kids each with a different surname.

Shelly - very cute, but a bit of a soft-hearted slapper.

Sheree - Cute, but very loud! desperately needs a volume control.

Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas.

Shona - Librarian by day, exotic dancer by night.

Sinead - Wears big..

Sian - Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.

Silka - Appears shy, but secretly Miss Whiplash the dominatrix.

Silke - Only ever has sex outdoors near her favourite tree.

Simone - Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff.

Sonya - intelligent, funny and very talented when it comes to the naughty stuff.

Sophia - Beautiful girl with long legs, a shame her arse is the size of a small country.

Sophie - Brothel manager because she's too ugly to be a working girl.

Stacey - Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's.

Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.

Stella - reassuringly expensive, she's worth every penny!

Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.

Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave. Very fertile.

Summer - wears flowers in her hair, a pretty dress, and no knickers.

Sylvia - loves the outdoors. Mad.

Tammy - Kind-hearted and generous, particularly in the bedroom.

Tanya - Hot minx, too short.

Tara - Upper class slapper, enjoys ranom chemicals.

Teresa - surprisingly small given the amount of alcohol she drinks.

Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less.

Tori - Lives in a hedge, can't water ski.

Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens.

Tracey - Lesbian.

Ursula - Likes puppies,usually in a hot curry.

Val - usually drunk, doesn't know where her knickers are.

Valerie - quaint and old-fashioned, someones aunt.

Vanessa - Beautiful, power-crazy bitch.

Veronica - closet lesbian who sleeps around to prove she isn't!

Vicki - Likes Yoga. And Women.

Vikki - Drinks anything so long as it's got vodka in it.

Wendy - Possibly a man.

Zakia - Wants to be a spy when she grows up, but needs to wash more often.

Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.

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