186 points


From: Bin Laden, Osama

To: Team Mates

Subject: The Cave

Hi guys.

We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come
together as a group and I love that.
Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no 'I' in team" as well as the Garfield that says "Hang In There, Baby."
Very humorous.
However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of
the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the carpet dust in our cave.
We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we need to sweep the cave daily, I've done my bit on the cleaning rota...........have you?
I've posted a sign up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to
scare most of the world population, okay?
That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background or keep doing the
'Wassup' thing.
Just while we're taping. Thanks.

Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on
the front, and put it on the top shelf.
Today, two of my Dairylea slices were gone.
Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team chanting and all that, but, we must distance
ourselves from the Westerner's bat and ball game.
Please do not chant "Ossy Ossy Ossy Oi Oi Oi" everytime I ride past on the donkey. Thanks

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them.
First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar, and Dave.

Love you lots, Group Hug.

PS - I'm sick of having Osama's Bed Linen scribbled on my bed sheets - Cut
it out Abdul, not funny anymore.

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